Megalomania–Being Fat on Twitter

Full fat aviThe past couple of weeks, I started getting a lot of friendly interaction from guys on Twitter. Friendly to the point of being straight up creeper. In one case I was pretty sure I was being measured for a skin suit and the guy doing it was kind of underwhelming and I was seriously bummed by the anti-climax there.

But, I digress, as I so often do.

At first, I couldn’t figure out why I was getting all of this attention. I wasn’t tweeting anything differently than I normally did. If anything, I’d been tweeting less than usual.

And then it hit me.

I had put up a new avi a few days after New Year’s Eve. A head and shoulders selfie of me wearing a white cami (that’s a kind of tank top, fellas) that I’d tinted to blue to give it a wintry look. I liked it. I thought it fit the January feel and I was looking for something I could have for a while before I got bored and decided to change it. Sounds pretty legit right? Nothing weird. Nothing overtly sexy. Nothing overtly anything, I thought.

Except the angle, the framing of the picture, well, you couldn’t tell that I’m fat.

January aviAhh! That’s it!

Guys think the “fat girl belly dancing” line in my bio is some sort of self-deprecation thing when they see that pic. I actually had one guy tell me that I’m “not that big”. Thanks, dude. Didn’t ask for your pitiful reassurance, but okay then.

As soon as I figured this out, I changed my avi to the full-figured shot at the top of the post. And I made a vow. Only full-fat avis (avies? avi’s? I still don’t know how to spell that) from now on.

First of all, that does cut down on some of the questionable attention, except for the odd chubby chaser.

Second of all, I don’t want the people that follow me, that read my tweets to forget that I’m legit fat and not “OMG I’M SO FAT!!!” fat. That when I talk about my weight, even when I joke about it, I’m talking about my actual state of existence. I’m not fishing for a compliment. This is my actual being, kids. I am fat. Legit fat. For real. And I’m going to comment upon it from time to time.

I don’t want guys to be misled because I put up a picture of my pretty face and they miss out on the rolls in the bakery and cottage cheese in the dairy section. I want them to know that I am more than likely a girl they wouldn’t give the time of day to on the street because she’s a “fatty”.

This is a public service, my friends.

I just can’t be responsible for anymore broken hearts.

Posted in Megalomania | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Funtimes–I Had a Weekend

Cubs Con haul 2015And really, that’s the best way to say it. This past weekend was just so bizarrely jinxed that it was both frustrating and great at the same time.

The main event of my weekend was Cubs Con 2015, which was to begin Friday evening and conclude at noon on Sunday. As such, I booked my hotel room at the con hotel for Friday and Saturday night and booked my train tickets for Friday morning and Sunday afternoon.

Friday morning I awoke to an email at 5 AM because I was a chump and forgot to mute my phone before going to bed. Before hitting the mute button, I saw the email is from Amtrak concerning my train. Glorious. I’ll deal with this when I decide to be awake.  When that time came, I saw that I also missed a call from Amtrak around 6 AM (I’m glad I muted my phone at 5). Both of these things pertain to the fact that the train is late and I may want to consider other options.

This all makes me cranky, but once I drink some coffee and see how late the train is running, I find my center. So I get to stay home an extra hour. Time for a second cup of coffee. No big deal.

Long story short, the train ended up being over two hours late (we left about the same time we should have been arriving in Chicago), it was delayed twice on the tracks (once for at least half an hour while we waited for another train to pass us), and I finally get to Union Station after 5 o’clock, where my favorite Cubs friend Harry is waiting. We took a cab over to the hotel, got me all checked in, ditched our stuff in my room, rode down in the elevator with a guy that said he was Jorge Soler’s agent, and only missed the first few minutes of the opening ceremonies of the con.

After participating in the autograph hunt (we got C.J. Edwards, who is a nice young man), we went upstairs to grab our coats and ended up riding back down in the elevator with Kyle Hendricks and his lady. They are also nice  young people.

We went to dinner at Big Bowl, which is one our favorites, and thus began our interesting service experiences. This time we had to request proper silverware and napkins, which of course is no big deal. We didn’t realize it would be a sign of things to come.

After dinner, we met up with some of the Cubs fans of Twitter, which was a good time. I got to meet some new folks that I didn’t follow and put the faces to the names of some that I did. Once the initial awkwardness is out of the way, everything just rolls, ya know.

The next day, Harry and I got autographs: Justin Grimm, Edwin Jackson, Ryan Sweeney, and the illustrious Jim Deshaies. All very nice people. I told Ryan Sweeney no injuries this year.

We took a break for lunch and ended up eating at the bistro in the hotel. The food was good, but the service was awful. Our waiter couldn’t have openly despised us more. It took him forever to bring Harry a simple glass of water and when he brought him mayonnaise, it was one of the little jars you get if you order room service and it had already been used. Like, there was a glob of ketchup in it. And the waiter was really unimpressed when Harry asked him for a new, unused one. Needless to say, that guy didn’t get much of a tip.

Mystery Ball 2015While getting our afternoon autographs, Harry was in need of a second wind in the form of coffee. The line at the coffee place in the hotel was crazy, so we ended up going back later. When Harry finally did get his coffee, there was no half and half and he had to wait to get more. At this point it was becoming clear that liquids would not come easily to my friend.

However, Harry did get to ride in the elevator with Addison Russell and C.J. Edwards, so his elevator luck was way better than mine.

We went to dinner that night at Eataly. It was an hour wait, so we went for an appetizer and a drink at the pub they have there. Again Harry asked for a water. Again he had to remind our server to get it for him (but this guy didn’t despise us, he was just really busy). But! When we had dinner, Harry had no drink trouble. So that was a nice surprise.

Sunday, I was on my own. I went down to the con, bought a cube for the mystery ball I’d gotten the afternoon before (I ended up getting James Russell, of course) and bought some Cubs socks as well. Then I prepared to leave.

I should have known that I was in for it when my cab driver managed to hit most of the red lights. But I was optimistic. The trains leaving Chicago are more likely to leave on-time. It’d be fine. I had a nice lunch at Union Station and then I went down to the waiting area.

My train was scheduled to leave at 1:45. At 1:15 it was announced that it was delayed because they had to repair something and it could be forty-five minutes to an hour.

Pigeons WaitingAnd I laughed a madman’s laugh.

Luckily for me, a couple of pigeons had gotten into the waiting area and when they weren’t waddling about, looking for food, they were buzzing people’s heads as they flew around, so I was at least entertained.

After three other trains scheduled after mine had left and they announced they were waiting on the conductor because he had apparently wandered off for coffee and a smoke and we stood waiting to board because they announced that we were boarding, but took it back, we finally got on the train. And then the train started to move!

And then the train stopped in the yard while they fixed something else.

To make a long story short (too late), three crying babies, a guy with a Budweiser wondering out loud if he could find his seat, and many atrocious cell phone ringtones later, we arrived at the station, a good two and a half hours after we should have.

One car ride later, I arrived home with my convention swag and this tale.

Posted in Funtimes | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Funtimes–Music: “Silverfish” by Mother of Winter

Music noteI am riding the struggle bus when it comes to writing actual blog posts. I seem to be having some difficulty getting into the swing of the new year. Blame my birthday on Monday and the holiday break ending for me on Tuesday and the fact that I need to be getting my cats herded so I can head up to Chicago on Friday so I may mingle with my fellow Cubs fans and probably not get arrested.

So instead of anything thoughtful about life or insightful about writing or amusing about reruns, here have some music. This is one of the songs that I’ve been finding stuck in my head when I wake up in the middle of the night the past few weeks because I’ve been listening to this whole album A LOT lately.

See, this is what happens when I’m left without supervision.

Please enjoy “Silverfish” by Mother of Winter. Maybe it’ll get stuck in your head, too.

Posted in Funtimes | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Megalomania–35 Now

birthday hatI’m going to be honest with you about something.

Yesterday, when I officially turned 35, I was more put out about the fact that I had to run errands and go grocery shopping than I was about turning 35.

When it comes to my birthday, I am like a toddler. It’s mine, mine, mine! I don’t have to! It’s my birthday! I get to do whatever I want! And I don’t want to be a grown-up and do grown-up things!

Which brings me to my next reflective point about turning 35.

I am now on the downward slide to 40 (“Hands up! Test your nuts!” as we used to say while riding roller coasters) and as such I’m sure there are people looking at me, possibly wanting to poke me, wondering what the hell is wrong with me. I’m 35 now. I’m supposed to be a grown-up. I’m supposed to be this, that, and the other with a real job and a mortgage and bills and all the trappings of adulthood. I’m supposed to be striving to meet society’s expectations of a woman of my advanced age (and weight, but that’s a different post). What am I doing?

This is actually something I’ve reflected on quite a bit in the month leading up to my birthday.  I gave serious consideration to the fact that I’m still dodging a big part of the standard adult business and that maybe I should consider, you know, straightening up and flying right.

But I just can’t make myself do it, kids. I knew it back when I was 12. I remember being supremely unhappy at the prospect of being 13 because that would mean I was a teenager and after teenager was adult and there was so much of that life stage that I didn’t find appealing. I liked being a kid and I’ve always been very bitter about the whole growing up thing.

Here’s the thing. I KNOW I can adult. I could adult with the best of them. I’m very good at responsibility. I’m so good at responsibility that I’ve been known to take on responsibilities that aren’t even mine. I’m very reliable and dependable and organized. I’m mature. I’ve been mature since I was little. I have all of the qualifications to be a good and proper adult according to society’s standards.

I just don’t want to BE an adult.

After years of doing things I hated in order to live up to someone else’s standards, trying to please other people, I realized that I have no desire to adult. It’s an epic drag and it’s not for me.

I’d rather do things my way, if you don’t mind.

So if that means being 35 and not being grown-up, that’s perfectly cool with me.

Posted in Megalomania | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Megalomania–Goals?

ThinkingUsually at the beginning of a new year, I make several posts about goals. I’ve got my writing goals and my reading goals and my life goals. And I put them all out on the interwebs in written down form so I may be held accountable for said goals. Which is all very well and nice and productive and whatnot.

As 2014 drew to a close and 2015 dawned, I realized that I didn’t want to have goals for 2015. Not that I wanted to be lazy and slack off for a whole year (I’ve done that; it was a drag), but that I just didn’t want to have goals for the year.

I think part of it comes from a conversation I had with my mom last month in which she said something about goals being an invitation to disappointment. I can certainly see what she meant. When  you set a goal and then don’t achieve it, that’s disappointing. When you set a goal and do achieve it, the victory can feel hollow. I’ve had both of those things happen to me. However, I also have set goals that have motivated me to reach them if nothing more than for spite because I’m a competitive person and I don’t like to lose when I’m battling myself.

I think, though, this conversation may have planted a seed in my head. When I started thinking about what I wanted my writing goals to be for the year, I didn’t want to set anything in stone because I wasn’t sure. When I shifted my thoughts to reading goals (as I’m always struggling to be a better reader), I really couldn’t think of anything in particular I wanted to work for. And life? Well, yeah…

So after some thought I decided that it might be an interesting experiment to not put goals on those things for the year.

Again, that doesn’t mean I’ll be slacking. I’m just going to put the focus on “Do” instead of “Achieve”.

So with the emphasis on “Do” in mind, I’m going to work towards really getting all of the old writing projects languishing on the Great To Do List done. This, of course, isn’t going to stop me from starting something new, but my focus needs to be on the old stuff and that’s what I’m doing to strive for.

I’m going to try to read everyday with no expectation of finishing a set number of books.  Let’s see how many I can finish just by reading everyday, be it for five minutes or an hour.

And for the rest of it?

I’m just going to DO whatever I can.

Posted in Megalomania | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Writing–Happy New Year! January Projects

fireworksA new month, a new year, a lot of old projects that I need to finish up with.

Revisions on (Vampires) Made in America continue. I got about half-way through the latest round of revisions when something clicked and I realized what I really needed to do to make the story work. Which meant I had to start all over. Fortunately, I’m no stranger to such stupidity, so this prolonged round of revisions doesn’t bother me. Much.

I’m also going to do what should be the last round of revisions and the polish of Hatchets and Hearts. Then I can be done with that novella.

I figure that will be good enough to start the year.

I also need to figure out a self-publishing schedule for the year. Putting out three things last year worked out pretty well. They were pretty evenly spaced out and such. I’d like to do that again.

It’s just a matter of what and when.

And I currently have no idea about either of those things.

So, yeah. Off and running, kids. Off and running.

Posted in Writing | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Funtimes–2015 Resolutions

resolutionsYes, I am once again making my half-serious resolutions just to see what happens. The first two are gimmes as I always make them and I always keep them (well, so far, anyway). The last three are within the realm of possibility, if I remember that I’ve made them.

Last year I actually did a fantastic job of achieving my resolutions even though I forgot I made two of them. I did take an actual vacation and I did drink more. I didn’t choreograph a full belly dance (again), but I did more freestyle belly dancing to songs, so I’m going to count it.

Okay, my 2015 Resolutions. A drum roll if you please…

1. Don’t get dead.

2. Have a good time.

3. Have more dance parties. Sometimes I just feel compelled to put on some music and dance around my room for a while. It’s stress relief and it’s exercise and it’s fun and it’s silly and I need to do it more.

4. Get rid of stuff. Like most folks, I have stuff. I have more stuff than I need, want, and use. I need to get rid of some of it. Even if I only get rid of one thing, I’m counting this one good.

5. Make Peace. No, this isn’t a deep, life-changing things. Remember, this is a half-serious list. What I’m talking about is a picture. When I was a senior in high school, I did two mosaic oil pastel drawings. One was Love and the other one is Hope. I never got around to doing Peace. I need to do that. For my hippie gods.

Posted in Funtimes | Tagged , , | Leave a comment