Read This If–You Dig Haunted Houses

~ Kiki Writes ~ 2 Comments

It’s October and I love Halloween. It was only natural that I’d pick a couple of horror reads for this month, but the first two books I thought of were both about haunted house novels. Ding ding ding! No more calls. We have a winner. Haunted house horror it is.

How to Sell a Haunted House by Grady Hendrix–Louise reluctantly leaves her daughter with her ex and travels across the country to help bury her parents, both dead in a tragic car accident. As if losing her parents wasn’t bad enough, she’s faced with the task of cleaning out her childhood home with her younger brother Mark, who is something of a failure in life -at least to Louise- and her biggest antagonist. The biggest hitch, though, is that the house doesn’t want to be sold.

This book caught me off guard. We’re going along like what you might expect from a haunted house tale and then…hard left into holy shit. It is a ride. But like many haunted house stories, it’s the family secrets that are more haunting than anything.

Tell Me I’m Worthless by Alison Rumfitt–Once upon a time, Alice, Hannah, and Ila went to a haunted house…and only Alice and Ila came out. Alice’s life has been less than great since that night. Haunted by the events, she goes to parties she doesn’t want to be at, drinks herself to sleep, and sells pics of herself online to support herself. Worse, she and Ila are so far estranged that they’re enemies. But when Ila asks her to go back to the house, Alice knows she has to go.

This is a brutal read because it’s not just the house that’s haunted, but the people, too. Alice is trans and after the events in the house, Ila has gone full TERF. Neither of them are living their best lives. The narrative doesn’t pull its punches. And once they go back into the house…hoo boy. Buckle up. This is house is haunted haunted.

I actually ended up reading these two back-to-back. While they might both be haunted house novels, the hauntings are very different, but both are terrifying in their own ways.

Read if you dare.

The Priority Shift

~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I have no doubt that if I were to look back on the blog posts I’ve done in the past few years, I’d probably find one on the topic of priorities because I’m sure I’ve written about this before. However, I’m not that motivated. Or should I say…it’s not a priority.

Perhaps it’s not obvious, but it probably should be. I struggle with my priorities. More specifically, I struggle with correctly prioritizing things in my life. I’m not good at it. I fuck up the order consistently. What I should prioritize, I don’t, and what gets prioritized usually shouldn’t be so high on the list. Or even on the list. As a result, I spend a lot of time feeling like I’m not living my life the way I truly want to. Granted, it would take a substantial inflow of income to truly allow me to live my life the way I want to, but given the limitations I’m currently operating under, I could be doing a whole lot better.

My recent two week vacation from the library allowed me to really take a look at how I prioritize my life and what I need to change. To be honest, it’s something I’ve been half-ass working on all year. I got The Remarkable Life Deck: A Ten-Year Plan for Achieving Your Dreams by Debbie Millan for my birthday (I asked for this; it wasn’t some anvil suggestion that I needed to get my shit together). I’ve worked my way through the deck twice and now I really need to start working on what I’ve written down. So, I spent some time while I was in Charleston looking at what I wrote down and identifying some baby steps I could take in the direction of achieving my dreams the deck had produced.

To the shock of absolutely no one, the babiest of those baby steps is a shift in my priorities. And the most obvious shift was to make myself a priority.

Yea, I know what you’re thinking. As a selfish woman, I already make myself a priority. While I won’t argue with the fact that I am selfish, I have receipts to show that I don’t make myself a priority. I’ve got the high blood pressure, patellar tendonitis, GERD, parathyroid issues, insomnia, stress, weight gain, fatigue, and anxiety to prove it. Quiet self-destruction is one of my default settings and it takes a conscious effort to not succumb to the default. I tend to put everything over taking care of myself and though I’ve made improvements in that defect in the past several years, I need to be doing a whole lot better.

I need to put myself at the top of the priority list.

This means putting my health first. Putting my rest first. Putting my mental health first.

Theoretically, if and when I do that, most everything else will fall into place. Why? Well, because I’m the center of my Universe, aren’t I? The cause and solution to all of my problems. If I take care of me, then I have a better ability to take care of business, so to speak. I’ll have the time and energy and health that will make dealing with other priorities easier.

For example, it’s not a plot twist to find out that one of my better life goals is to make a living by writing. It should also not be a shocker to know that it’s very difficult and uncommon to make a living by writing. But if I want to even have a shot at achieving that dream, then I need to make my writing a priority.

This isn’t to say that writing isn’t and hasn’t been important to me. But since my terrible bout of writer’s struggle I’ve found that I got into the habit of prioritizing other things over writing because when I was struggling everything else was easier. “Let me just get this done first…” “This needs to be done now because…” Those sort of excuses can’t fly anymore. I need to subscribe to the idea that any writing is better than no writing at all and that sneaking in those words every day is the only way I’m going to get anything done.

I’ve also gotten so used to not submitting anything I write, keeping it either for Patreon purposes or for other undefined reasons outside of the occasional contest entry. I’m out of touch with the writing world (not that I was really that in-touch with it before). If I’m going to make a living, even a small one, off of writing, then I need to reconnect with that world.

So, I shift writing to the second spot on my priority list, right after myself.

Now what happens?

Everything else shifts itself around, hopefully landing in better positions, maybe some things falling off the priority list entirely.

And hopefully with this priority shift, my best life will emerge.

20 Tracks

~ Kiki Writes ~ 2 Comments

A few weeks ago there was an engagement post on the hellsite once known as Twitter asking folks to make a twenty song compilation of their all-time favorite songs. Not necessarily the best ones, but the ones you love, the ones that give people a glimpse into what moves you. The only hitch is that you couldn’t repeat an artist.

Naturally, I decided to take this prompt and turn it into a blog post with the added rule that I couldn’t list any of the Monkees solo work (otherwise this list would be a quarter Monkees tunes) and since this is my blog post, I decided to add a little note about each song I picked.

This was not easy. As a long-time music enjoyer, this was incredibly difficult and I could easily do another twenty songs (and probably another twenty after that). And I just might. But for now, here is my initial twenty song compilation. You’ll find nothing groundbreaking here. I’m pretty dull, actually. However, I fully encourage you to check these songs out on whatever music-acquiring service you prefer. After all, I do love them for a reason.

  1. Sunny Girlfriend– The Monkees- This is my go-to answer for my favorite song ever. I love it. It jives with my soul. There’s also an acoustic version that I love.
  2. This Can’t Be Love– Julie London- I discovered the music of Julie London thanks to Emergency! and I’ve been blessed ever since. I have so many favorites of hers, but this one just gets me.
  3. The Three Bears– Bobby Troup- I can’t include Julie London on this list and not include her husband. I love this song because it’s literally just a jazz version of “Goldilocks and the Three Bears”. It’s fabulous.
  4. Flirtin’ With Disaster– Molly Hatchet- My dad’s influence on my musical tastes involve a lot of country and southern rock. This one holds a special place in my heart because that Molly Hatchet tape spent a lot of time in the cassette player in Dad’s car.
  5. Pink– Aerosmith- This would be my mother’s influence on my musical tastes. Toys in the Attic was one repeat in Mom’s car, but this cheeky number is a favorite of mine.
  6. Superfreak– Brucey Hornsby, Ricky Skaggs, and John Anderson- I have a major affinity for random covers. I have a whole playlist dedicated to covers and mash-ups. This is my all-time favorite. It’s a bluegrass-y version of the Rick James classic. It shouldn’t work, but it does.
  7. Beautiful Face– Paula Fuga- I am one of those people that will hunt down a song if I hear it on a TV show and I really dig it. I heard this one on an episode of the 2018 Magnum PI. It’s got a sultry, Julie London vibe that I love. I will own much of Paula Fuga’s music before I’m done.
  8. Werewolves of London– Warren Zevon- Do I need to be cheered up? Then I’m going to howl along with this song. My mood cannot stay foul when I’m singing about ripping your lungs out, Jim.
  9. Let’s Go Together– Circe Link- Circe Link is a Monkees daughter-in-law and three Monkees sons also participated in the track, but this doesn’t violate my Monkees rule. It’s the upbeat tune and the jaunty clarinet combined with the lyrics about plotting to unalive oneself that just sends me, especially as a person who has struggled with this exact thing.
  10. The Seven Deadly Sins– Flogging Molly- A hundred years ago, one of my friends sent me several burned CDs of music she thought I might like. She was right. I liked all of it. But Flogging Molly was the band I liked best out of the bunch. I can’t listen to their music without thinking of her. Thanks, Gin.
  11. Pump It Up– Elvis Costello- I have no idea how I came across this jam, but it’s another one of those instant mood lifter songs. It’s a must dance.
  12. Sin Wagon– The Chicks- There should be more country on this list because I actually do listen to a lot of it, particularly from the ’90s. But I have spent a lot of time scream-singing this song, and if you didn’t know you could do that with a country song, yes…yes, you can.
  13. Dragula– Rob Zombie- Dig through the ditches, burn through the witches, slam in the back of my dragula is my live, laugh, love.
  14. I Wanna Dance with Somebody– Whitney Houston- The video plays in my head whenever this bop comes on. It’s my favorite Whitney song. I don’t care if that’s the wrong answer. It’s true.
  15. On the Hunt– Lynard Skynard- I’ve listened to a lot of Skynard (thanks, Dad), but I actually didn’t come across this one until I heard it on an episode of CSI: Miami. There’s something about their music that I just really like and this song is a groove.
  16. Soldier of Love– Pearl Jam- I was only going to put one cover on my list, but the truth is I like every cover that Eddie Vedder does. I actually bought this CD single for the A side “Last Kiss” (which is also a cover), but I ended up liking this one more.
  17. She Bop– Cyndi Lauper- Of all of the songs about masturbation, this one is my favorite.
  18. Unskinny Bop– Poison- I chose this song to represent all of the hairbands I jammed to back in the day. Because little ’80s me jammed to them all.
  19. Wannabe– Spice Girls- I love this song unironically. It’s my go-to warm-up jam for workouts. It puts a little attitude in a my step.
  20. Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground– Willie Nelson- There’s just something about his voice and those lyrics that give me shivers. If I’m in the right mood, this song can make me cry and that’s not a bad thing.


I Went on an Adventure All By Myself

~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I’d been thinking about taking a trip for over a year. Because that’s what I do. I think about doing things for a long time before I finally snap and actually do them. I mean, my tattoo cover-up was like a decade in the making.

A combination of things pushed me over the edge and prompted me to whip out my credit card. A hectic Summer Reading program at work; the months long video project I did for my library program Deadly DeWitt; and finally, a derecho leaving us without power for over three days. When the power came back on, I was researching places to go. And I decided I was going alone. I needed a trip that was just for myself.

I admit that my first choice was San Diego. I wanted to go out west and I wanted to see some water. Besides that I didn’t have an agenda. However, I couldn’t quite make myself book that trip. The flight alone was more than I wanted to spend, but that’s because I fly first class. Not because I’m snobby, but because I’m fat. Economy/coach on the four hour flight from Chicago to Seattle taught me that my ass is worth a little extra seat and a little extra leg room.

Speaking of that Seattle flight, it’s the longest I’ve ever been on a plane and at the time I did that trip almost seven years ago that was pushing it. I decided that I’d be better off looking for something a little closer, at least for this trip. San Diego one day.

I pretty much just went through a series of potential destinations that would be easiest to fly from via the closest airport and Charleston, South Carolina ended up winning out. It was affordable, the flights were doable, and it satisfied at least something I was looking for -water to look at. It was a new place in a state that I hadn’t been to yet. Sounded good to me.

I booked it. I was going on an adventure.

Here’s the thing. I’m not very good at being an adventurous person. You could say my untreated anxiety makes every day an adventure. And I somehow forget that when I make these sorts of plans. In July, it all seems reasonable and doable.

In September, I question what I’ve done.

First of all, when it comes to traveling, there’s the packing. I’m not gifted at this. I can never decide what to wear and what to take, what I think I’ll want to have with me. I always end up taking too much. I have no chill.

Second of all, when it comes to traveling, there’s the traveling. I would benefit greatly from teleportation because I am also not gifted at traveling. I’ve flow on five trips in my life, including Charleston. Two of those trips were pre-9/11. Of the three post-9/11 trips, I had my bag searched when I went to Seattle and I got a pat down as my toll for Charleston. Both of these incidents happened at my local airport. I think my anxiety regarding TSA has been justified.

But I also have anxiety about getting my carry on in the bin, crowding any potential seatmate with my width, peeing on the plane (I will push my bladder to the limit if it means I don’t have to squeeze myself into that flying port-o-john). Actually, I think the only thing that doesn’t give me anxiety about flying is the actual flying. I like it just fine. The turbulence doesn’t even bother me (though I haven’t experienced really bad turbulence yet). I just wish I didn’t have to do it with all of those other people.

Which isn’t entirely fair because I’ve encountered many kind and helpful people on my flights, including to Charleston. One lady was kind enough to let me get my carry on ahead of her and another gentleman was kind enough to both put my carry on in the bin for me and take it out after we landed.

The trip to Charleston involved a three plus hour layover in Atlanta. But since the trip also involved me getting up at 3am to make a 6am flight, I was too tired to really enjoy it. And by enjoy it, I mean have the energy and appetite to find something more than pretzels and a Coke for brunch.

Once I got to Charleston, Mr. Larry and his taxi saw me safely to the hotel. When I got to my room, I took a moment to appreciate that I was on my own. Which is I wanted. I just didn’t realize that my exhaustion would cause a profound sense of loneliness and homesickness after only hours of being away from home. Thankfully, that passed after I got settled in and got something to eat.

I wanted this to be a trip for myself. I wanted to go to Charleston just because and I wanted to do whatever I wanted to do. I didn’t want an agenda or itinerary. I didn’t want to go souvenir hunting in an effort to bring something back for a list of people because I felt like I owed them a token of my travels. I just wanted to go and experience something new, even if that meant I spent the whole time in the hotel writing and eating room service.

Of course, I didn’t want to do that. One thing I did want to do was see the water and I discovered that the Joe Riley Waterfront Park not only provided that experience, but it also came with a bonus pineapple fountain. I have a strange affinity for pineapples. I like them more as an aesthetic than a food. I decided that the only thing I would do on this trip was eat and see the pineapple fountain.

Which doesn’t sound like a big deal until you factor in the aforementioned unmedicated anxiety. Then it can be something of a challenge. And while I did spend the night before fretting about making my pineapple dreams come true, I woke up the next morning ready to go. Once I achieved my goal of securing breakfast at a place down the street, I set about attempting to get over to the park.

I thought I was going to use the local free public transit option. However, I was thwarted by the trolley bus not showing up at the stop I was at even though the app said it would. Whatever. I’m not taking it personally. The Universe didn’t leave me hanging, though, because just down the block was a congregation of bike taxis. So, I inquired how much it would cost to get me over to the pineapple fountain. Mike informed me that it was $12 for 10 minutes, but he could give me an unofficial 30 minute tour that would take me there for $36. Hell, yeah. Let’s go, Mike.

It was a great ride. I saw the College of Charleston, some other historical buildings and houses, Rainbow Row, the Battery, all with facts and trivia, and finally, he dropped me off at Joe Riley Waterfront Park right by the pineapple fountain I sought. He also gave me a card so I could arrange for another bike taxi ride later if I wanted. Mike gave me a bonus adventure, a side quest if you will, that I didn’t even realize was possible.

Unfortunately, the temperature was in the lower 90s, putting the heat index over 100, and by the time I got to the fountain, I was already a little overheated. I ended up doing a quick picture session at the pineapple fountain followed by a walk down the pier for another few pictures before I decided I needed to get out of the heat.

I once again attempted to employ the use of public transport back to the hotel, but by the time I got back to where I thought a stop might be (I was wrong) I was so miserable I instead decided to find a place I could sit in some air conditioning and maybe grab some water and a bite to eat. I ended up at the same breakfast place I’d eaten at that morning, only on a different street. So, I got myself a crab cake sandwich that was fabulous, and both the host and the waiter were wise to my overheated condition and kept the water coming.

Once I finished my lunch, I got some water to go and called for a bike taxi back to the hotel. I didn’t get my new taxi guy’s name, but he was lovely, too. Seriously. If you’re in Charleston, get a bike taxi at least once. You won’t regret it. If you do regret it, I never said a thing.

Aside from the heat, the only other drawback to my unexpected big adventure was that I caught a little too much sun. I ended up a little bit red for my fun.

My last full day in Charleston was relaxation day. Meaning, I spent most of my time in my hotel room, lounging, writing, reading, and generally trying to prepare myself for the flight home the next day. But no worries. I still ate well. I hit up the hotel’s complimentary breakfast bar, and then ordered in from a place around the corner: chicken and waffles for lunch and a shrimp po’ boy for dinner. One last indulgence before I packed it up to head for home.

Did I still manage to have anxiety about just about everything I did on relaxation day? Yes. My anxiety has little to no chill. But it was also preparing me for the trip home. Because as we’ve seen, my flying anxiety is justified.

Despite the raging anxiety I woke up with, my travel home was pretty smooth. I was sure to give myself plenty of time to get ready and eat something and pack and drink my final cup of terrible hotel coffee (I’m sorry, but whatever kind it was they had in the room was not good) and check out before my taxi arrived so I wouldn’t feel rushed and overwhelmed. Mr. Jerome gave me a safe and quick ride to the airport where I breezed through security (I swear to the airline gods it’s only my local one that fucks with me) and even had time to purchase a souvenir for myself for the flight home. I was once again blessed with very cool and helpful fellow passengers. I hear horror stories about nightmare passengers and I am so grateful that I’ve been blessed with only the best from the very first flight I ever took. Once again, glory to the airline gods.

This is the first trip I’ve taken in a very long time (and I take my trips very far apart, so) that I came home actually feeling refreshed and in a great mood. This is the best I’ve felt in months. This trip was better for me than I could have ever hoped. It was exactly what I needed when I needed it.

I also learned something very important on this trip. If I can do a whole incredible adventure in another state, then I can do whole incredible adventures at home, too. I have proven to myself that I can do this, that anxiety doesn’t always have to get the best of me, and that I have ways of working through it.

Most importantly, I learned that I deserve to do things for myself that are just for me with no expectations or obligations to anyone else.

I deserve to have adventures of my own.

Read This If–You’re Into Other People’s Lives

~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

As promised (threatened?), here is the first in what I hope to be a successful blog series of book recs for those inclined to be swayed. And I thought memoirs would be safe way to kick things off. So, here are three I think you should read if you’re nosy like me and want to know how other people live.

Priestdaddy by Patricia Lockwood— I put this one out on my Father’s Day display every year even before I read it because with a title like that, how could I not? Writer and poet Patricia Lockwood weaves a humorous yet deep narrative between her religious upbringing with a father who received special permission to become a priest after he was a married father and the eight months she and her husband had to live with her parents after a decade of living on their own. To say that her father is a character would be putting it so mildly that it might as well be beige. You have to read it to believe it.

Dirtbag, Massachusetts: A Confessional by Isaac Fitzgerald— This memoir-in-essays kicks off with Isaac Fitzgerald announcing that when he was born his parents were married -to other people. And it just takes off from there. Recounting a childhood of poverty and homelessness, going from altar boy and fat kid to bartender and biker, Fitzgerald struggled to make peace with his life while finding his place in the world, which led him as far as Burma and back. It’s a wild ride to read about.

Brace for Impact by Gabe Montesanti— Can roller derby save your life? For Gabe Montesanti, it kind of did. After growing up queer in a conservative Midwestern town, throwing herself into competitive swimming and allowing perfectionism to rule her world, Montesanti decided to make a fresh start when she moved to St. Louis for grad school. She found a home in Arch Rival, a top ranked roller derby league, but when she suffered a devastating injury, she was forced to reckon with the baggage and trauma she thought she left behind. As a queer kid from a Midwestern town with perfectionism issues, I found it highly relatable, but also totally honest and inspiring.

Let me know if you end up reading any of these and if you don’t like them, don’t tell me.

You Underestimate My Ability To Be a Disaster

~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I was what you might call a gifted child when I was younger. I was smart by school standards. Got good grades. Learning and understanding lessons and studying came pretty easy for me (except for math; that came with more frustration, but I still ended up being pretty good at it). I ended up getting to do a couple of summers of gifted summer school when I was in grade school and in junior high, I was invited to a gifted science camp for a week (where I spent most of it sick thanks to one of the girls I bunked with). I took Honors English in high school and my algebra teacher wanted me in his advanced class, but my parents, who’d tapped out of helping me with my math homework when I was in sixth grade, wisely decided against this. I probably would have thrown my book through the closet door in one of my fits of frustration due to not being able to instantly understand how a math problem worked.

That was another thing. I felt like (and still do feel like) I should know how to do everything. I should automatically know how to do something. When I was three, my mother founding me crying in the closet with this big ol’ adult book on my lap, mad because I couldn’t read it. In my tiny little head, I thought that I should have just known how to do that. I learned to read and write shortly after that, which started a trend of me learning things quickly and sometimes, learning things on my own. It seemed like you didn’t have to teach me anything because I already knew or I would just figure it out.

As it turns out, this is not a great life plan.

Because I was “gifted” in the academic sense, it was just sort of assumed that I knew what I was doing or that I would figure it out in the rest of my life. Nobody needed to guide me into adulthood. After all, I’d been an “old soul” my whole life.

So, here’s the thing.

As it turns out, in my case, doing well academically doesn’t necessarily translate to being smart in life.

Believe me when I say that you underestimate my ability to be a disaster.

I realize the confusion about this because I’m very good at presenting the illusion that I know what I’m doing. I’ve always been very good in my day jobs because I’m very good at learning things and completing tasks and meeting deadlines and knowing my shit. And when it comes to my creative work, again, it’s a matter of learning new things, completing tasks, and meeting deadlines.

But.

Left to my own devices when it comes to being a functioning adult, I have a tendency to wander into traffic and narrowly avoid being flattened by semis. I have a gift for making questionable life choices that typically do not turn out well, but not so badly that it totally fucks shit up. They’re just bad enough that the people in my immediate vicinity might question why someone thought to be so smart is doing something so less-than-smart.

Which is another funny thing. Either people are so convinced of my intelligence that they just figure I have a plan and those questionable decisions are just part of that and/or it’s not my bad decision-making that created this disaster, it’s just that this choice didn’t work out/was something else’s fault/bad luck.

Or, it’s just so awkward that someone once perceived as gifted is making such bad life choices and they don’t want to say anything.

Probably the latter.

The Golden Rule

~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I talked about the Golden Rule when I did a Five Minutes on it for Patreon. But since Five Minutes is no more (though $5 patrons can still listen to it if they want to), I thought I’d bring it to the blog.

I’m not talking about the Golden Rule that you’re probably thinking of- “Do unto others as you would have done to you”. It’s a perfectly fine rule and a good one to use to guide your own behavior. However, it doesn’t take into account the assholes who expect you to live by that rule while they don’t. They want you to do unto them what they won’t do unto you.

That’s why I prefer a different Golden Rule- “Don’t start no shit, won’t be no shit.”

This Golden Rule is a fabulous guide to not only your own behavior, but also the behavior of others. You see, if someone chooses to start shit, then that’s their shit and their responsibility. For example, when the Supreme Court chose to overturn Roe-vs-Wade they then found themselves being protested against at their own homes. Naturally, they cried about this to the media. But my be-robed fellows, this is what happens when you start shit. You started shit, now there is shit, enjoy your shit.

This could also apply to the people who are routinely “canceled” for saying openly bigoted and/or stupid shit on public platforms. Listen, Loudmouth Lucy and Fuck Your Feelings Fred, your mentions wouldn’t be filling up like a cistern in a shit deluge if you maybe used the backspace key instead of megaphoning your mush-brained hate to the entire interwebs. You started shit, now there is shit, enjoy your shit.

The Golden Rule is closely related to the consequences of one’s own actions. We don’t operate in a vacuum. Everything we do has consequences because everything we do affects other human beings. If you prefer not to have negative consequences, then don’t have negative actions. That’s just physics.

Is it possible to start good shit? Absolutely. This is called breaking the Golden Rule with intention. For example, making an unprompted, generalized post on Facebook about how homophobia is for squares or racism actually exists is no doubt going to start shit among the bigoted aunts and uncles who are going to take a break from posting their “America First” memes to fill their diapers in the comments of that post. It’s an expected, anticipated response to being so controversial. You started shit, now there is shit, enjoy your shit.

But that’s the thing about breaking the Golden Rule and starting shit. Many of the people who break the Golden Rule have no intention of starting shit. They’re not anticipating the shit and they certainly don’t think they deserve the shit. But they do. When you break the Golden Rule -intentionally or not- you get the shit you deserve.

I live by the Golden Rule. If someone starts shit in my general direction, then I see to it that they get the shit they deserve. And if I start shit, then I accept the shit that I receive and I deal with it accordingly.

I gotta be honest, though. The world would be a lot less shitty if we all lived by the Golden Rule.

When Your Tits Turn 21

~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

This week was the 21st anniversary of my breast reduction surgery. The Frankenboobies are officially old enough to (legally) drink.

There’s a misconception around twenty-one year old boobs. They’re not as young as you think.

Stay with me here because I know you’re thinking of twenty-one year old girls and their generally young breasts, all perky and firm, and you should probably stop before you end up on some kind of list. But here’s the thing -the person might be twenty-one, but the boobs aren’t. Think about it. They weren’t born with those boobs. Those boobs didn’t even think about becoming boobs until the person was eleven or twelve or thirteen -if not earlier or later. In my case later. My boobs didn’t start boobing until I was nearly fourteen and once they started, they didn’t stop. By my own logic, by the time I went under the knife, my boobs weren’t even ten years old yet.

So, twenty-one year olds don’t have twenty-one year old tits. Thirty-something year olds (on average) have twenty-one year old tits. My own restart pushed that back into my forties.

Breasts that have been around for a couple of decades have seen some shit. I know mine have. My weight has fluctuated by a good sixty or seventy pounds since my surgery. Weight gain, weight loss, weight gain, weight loss. That takes a toll. Whatever fullness and firmness I had after my surgery has been yo-yoed into the ether. The twins got a little more flapjack going on now. They’re also not twins anymore. Not that they’d ever pass for identical, thanks to the surgery complications, but I could have called them fraternal. Not the case now. So long symmetry. After years of the weight roller coaster, Bela is now bigger than Boris, and noticeably so. This isn’t uncommon with boob havers, In fact, it’s so common that when it comes to uneven boobs, most folks find their left one to be larger (that’s the case with me and Bela here). It’s an actual thing.

And whatever the weight changes didn’t do, gravity did. It does more harm than making your toast land butter side down when you drop it. The force it exerts to keep us all stuck to this planet does some really unforgiving things to the meat sacks we inhabit, and not just when they’re dropped from a great height. What perkiness was installed when these bad boys were remade is long gone. You might enjoy the effect produced by my push-up bra, but baby, it’s exactly that. Special effects. The behind-the-scenes will steal your awe and wonder.

The best part about all of this (if there can be a best part) is that there is a very good chance that nearly every titty title holder reading this post is nodding at most, if not all, of it. These are universal symptoms of a continued existence when you have fat sacks hanging from your chest. Maybe the realistic light I’m shining on older tatas isn’t entirely flattering in a world obsessed with youth and symmetry, but to obsess about the appearance of anyone’s breasts -yours, mine, and/or ours- ignores another universal truth.

No matter the size, shape, perkiness, or symmetry…they’re still fun to play with.

In a legal, consenting way, of course.

What I Did at Camp

~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

No, this is not about the time I went to Girl Scout Camp when I was in junior high (I think? Memory is a fuzzy thing) and ended up being put in charge of showing the younger girls how to make bracelets and then later in the week had to show them how to make “fishing poles” out of string and paperclips.

This is about my first time participating in Camp NaNoWriMo.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, then the concept of NaNoWriMo is familiar to you. The goal is to write a 50,000 word novel during the month of November. I’ve done it 19 years in a row (damn) and by now I’ve won more often than not.

Camp NaNo is a similar concept except it takes place a couple of times a year (I think April and July) and you set the goal. It’s not just for new projects; it can be used to add on to existing projects. Though the input is still words written, there are ways to approximate if your goal for the month is revising a project.

I decided to use Camp NaNo as a way to make significant progress on That’s Punk, which has been my Sunday story for like a year now. As much as I’ve enjoyed the leisurely, no pressure pace I’ve been taking with the story –a real departure from the way I normally write longer manuscripts- I was ready to put some real time and words into it. I felt that setting a reasonable Camp NaNo goal would be the perfect way to make that happen. After all, I’m terribly competitive with myself and I don’t like to lose.

Going into July, I had about 30,000 words in on That’s Punk, so I decided that a good goal was to hit 50,000 words total. After years of writing 50,000-60,000 words in a month, a little over 20,000 would be easy. The daily bar was set at about 655 words. Perfect. This was what I needed.

One thing I wondered about was how this would affect the way I’d been writing That’s Punk, going slowly and revising as I went. I was concerned that I might fall back into old NaNo habits and just try to get my words down as fast as I could and worry about it all later. As it turns out, with the lower daily goal, I gave myself time to look over what I’d written before and revise it before moving on to my new words for the day. I feel like this is a habit that I’d like to try to keep even for NaNo. It might be more of a challenge with a higher word count, but I’m willing to try.

I admit that my schedule also helped me tackle this goal in the way that I wanted to. Because I work ahead on Book ’em, Danno, I’m able to take July off from my podcast. However, this year, after months of working on a video project for work, I ended up taking July off from all of my non-writing projects, putting Here, Watch This on hold for the month. Camp NaNo was the only thing going for the entire month of July and I’ll be honest, after months of juggling multiple projects, it was glorious. But I admit that the singular focus probably aided in my ability to not only achieve my goal, but also exceed it, all while revising as I went along like I wanted, and not stressing myself out to get it done. I won’t have this luxury during NaNo in November. Podcast things will be happening while I’m trying to hit my daily word count goal of easily over 1,000 more words a day.

If anything, Camp NaNo reminded me how much I like writing, a joy I thought I’d lost for a long time before being revived in the last couple of years, and how much I want to spend my time doing just that. It’s not that I don’t enjoy podcasting. I do. But writing is clearly my first love and I need to find a way to spend more time doing that.

Something else I learned at Camp.

A little writing a day keeps the blues away.

Read This If–Book Recs You Never Asked For

~ Kiki Writes ~ 1 Comment

We have this thing at the library called Reader’s Advisory. Basically, it means that one of our solemnly sworn duties as library workers is to recommend books, movies, TV shows, whatever to patrons based on what they’re looking for.

I’ve worked really hard at getting better at this because what most people ask for -like mysteries, thrillers, or “something like James Patterson” (ugh)- I don’t read much of. And may the library gods spare me from anyone asking for young adult recs because YA is still my weakest link goodbye. But I have made significant progress in getting more comfortable and adept at recommending books for patrons.

I did this not only because I like to be somewhat competent at my job, but also because my tastes are so random that it’s very rare that someone is going to ask for a rec that’s in my wheelhouse. In fact, I think the patron asking for something morbid the other night is the first time I was confidently able to say, “I got this.”

So as a means to satisfy my own ego and maybe put some books into the awareness of someone who might be looking for just the thing, I’m going to attempt a new blog series called “Read This If…” and it will feature two or three (maybe four; why limit myself?) books that fit a kind of theme. Hopefully, I’ll be able to do this once a month and maybe you’ll find something unexpected to fill your eyeballs with.

These recs will be coming from a place of pure enjoyment. I liked this, maybe you will, too. I make no claim that I know what’s “good”. I’m not doing full on reviews or book reports. Hell, giving stars on Goodreads gets me uptight half the time. This is just going to be loose and informal. A chat amongst friends.

So, let’s have fun with it.

I know. You didn’t ask for this.

You don’t have to thank me.