I’m Not Child-Free…I Just Don’t Want Any Kids

May 27, 2014January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I don’t have kids, don’t particularly want kids (though I reserve the right to change my mind at any point because I’m not very comfortable with absolutes; I do know that if I acquire a kid, it won’t be me getting pregnant because that squicks me too much), but I bristle at the term “child-free”.

If you’ve never heard of the term, here’s my version of the definition: child-free people don’t want kids, don’t like kids, don’t like YOUR kids, and basically don’t think anyone should have kids, and if they do, they shouldn’t inflict their children on the general public until they are no longer children.

As much as I can’t stand parents who think their children are special little unicorns that would be ruined by discipline and here is 100 pictures a day to prove that and shouldn’t you be having kids because your life has no meaning if you don’t, these child-free people are just as bad.

Bitching incessantly about other people’s children, using quaint terms like “breeder” and “crotch dropping” to refer to every parent and child (I only use “crotch dropping” for special occasions to refer to either adult or child because, seriously, that is a pretty great insult), somehow thinking that the human race could continue to exist without reproduction. I get that people don’t like kids, but seriously, they need to pull it back a tick. The kid-hate/parent-hate is just a bit much. I’m not particularly fond of teenagers, but the mere sight of them doesn’t turn me into a raving, venom-spewing asshole. Most of the time.

I believe that there’s a huge distinction between child-free people and people without kids. First of all, not all people without kids are child-free. Some of them can’t have kids, but would like to and for whatever reason haven’t acquired any yet. Some people without kids are undecided about having kids. Or waiting to have kids.

And some people that don’t have kids and don’t want any kids aren’t child-free. They’re like me. They like kids, they just don’t necessarily want any. They get annoyed with other people’s kids, but they don’t want to lock them in a room away from society until they’ve come of age and are magically not annoying anymore. Judging by the child-free people I’ve encountered alone, annoying is not a trait you just grow out of at the age of 18 or 21.

And some people that don’t have kids and don’t want kids don’t think other people that do have kids are stupid breeders. Many people want kids. And that’s totally cool. Most of my friends are parents and they’re pretty good parents. Some of them even enjoy being parents, which is awesome. I don’t believe I’ve ever had the urge to tell someone that they’re dumb for having kids.

Do I sometimes gloat a little because I don’t have any impossible extra-curricular activity schedules to manage and I get to sleep in sometimes? Sure. I consider it a fair trade for all of the potty training updates I have to endure. But it’s not with malice. It’s all done in good fun. Because I know that those parents love their kids as much as I like not having any.

So please don’t call me child-free or think that I’m child-free. I’m not. I ain’t that kind of asshole.

I just don’t have, or want, any kids.

Writing– The (Self-) Publishing Schedule

May 22, 2014May 21, 2014 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

At the beginning of the year, I established a sort of publishing schedule for myself. I knew that I’d be putting out Yearly in February, but I decided that I should set a couple more dates for the year to keep myself motivated and producing with the end game in mind.

After some thought, I settled on June and October (dates not specified, of course), already having some idea of what would be going out when. I thought the time span was reasonable enough for me to finish what I wanted to publish while publishing often enough to attract potential readers while keeping others interested with the new content.

I have a great way of overestimating myself.

The good news is that, provided I can come up with covers, I will be publishing according to my little schedule. The sort-of-bad-but-not-really news is that I’m not publishing what I thought I’d be publishing.

In January, I thought it’s be The Timeless Man and probably Hatchets and Hearts, even though one wasn’t even written at the time. Now, in May it’ll be A Tale of Two Lady Killers and Spirited in Spite, though I haven’t made the final decision on what will be happening when.

Turns out that Hatchets and Hearts and The Timeless Man have ended up being a lot harder than I anticipated. Surprise, surprise.

This is why I end up working on so many different projects in different phases. I may think I know what I’m doing, but in reality, I’m a moron in need of plans A-Z.

Thank goodness for my need to always be working on something.

Five Little Things That Make My Day

May 20, 2014January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I’m in the middle of a particularly busy stretch of days (shout out to the people that can run seven days a week because I was not built for the hectic life), struggling to get things done and meet obligations and so forth. While in the shower lamenting the fact that I’m not a fan of being an adult and wishing I could be one of those people with endless stores of energy, I thought to myself, “Well, at least my hair looked good when I woke up this morning.”

And that got me thinking that there are a number of little things that seem to just brighten my day no matter what kind of day I’m having. If it’s bad, they make things tolerable; if it’s good, they just make it better. Call it counting blessings if you want, but sometimes, during the busy days when I’m dragging more than my ass, I need to remind myself that there are things that just make it for me.

So here are five little things that never fail to make my day.

1. Good Hair Day- Like I said, the days when my hair decides to do its thing in the way I wish it would are the best. Particularly the days when I’m up early for kid minding because I don’t actually take a shower and fix my hair until after I get back from taking the boy to school. It just sets a good tone for my day.

2. Good Boob Day- Not much is said about the Good Boob Day and its joys really should be extolled more. Some days, I look down and just think, “Damn my boobs look good today.” It’s a good hair day taken to the next level.

3. That’s My Jam!- I do a bit of driving for my job commute and nothing gears me up like hearing just the right song on the radio on my way to or from a gig. This usually occurs during the drive to teach because it’s Back in the Day Cafe and the Noon Workout on two radio stations so I spend the drive with songs I grew up with. I’m not going to lie. Some days when I’m dragging, I need to hear “MmmBop”. The bouncy bubblegum propels me through the afternoon.

4. Lunch- I love food, so the days when knowing what I want for lunch combines with being able to have that for lunch intersects with having time to eat that for lunch are the best days.

5. Good Dreams- Most of the time, my dreams are filled with imagery that would make people decide they’re done sleeping for life, but they’re actually pretty great for my line of horror writing. These dreams don’t bother me because I’m so used to them. But sometimes, I’m lucky to have a really good dream. One of those dreams that gives you warm fuzzies not only during the dream, but for hours after you wake up. Those are the best.

When folks say that it’s the little things, I know exactly what they mean.

I Must Art!

May 14, 2014January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

The other day I was seized with a sudden need to art. It didn’t matter what the art was, but I needed to do something artistic and creative that wasn’t writing. I thought about borrowing my roommates colored pencils, but she was still asleep and I needed to art NOW.

I ended up giving my pink flamingo Floyd a paint job (of which he was in desperate need and which I was planning to do anyway) and started working on this year’s Grinchmas gift (which I won’t mention just in case someone on the receiving in might read this) which involves quite a bit of painting and will take me some time to finish completely.

That all scratched the itch, but I still have an urge to art.

When it comes to my creativity, it’s mostly confined to writing. I do sew, of course, but my skills there are limited. But when it comes to art, I’m the limited of the limited. I can’t draw a straight line. Thankfully, when I do find myself doing art things, I do my best to avoid straight lines.

I like to art. I like to attempt to draw and paint, even if I’m not very good at it. I find it to be enjoyable sometimes to just doodle and such. I’ve done really kicky psychedelic pictures in oil pastels that look great hanging on my walls, but they’re not going to be hanging in a gallery at any point in time. I’ll be honest, though, I prefer it when the art I do can be useful (like with Floyd and the Grinchmas projects, which is also the name of my next band).

There’s also a certain hesitancy that I normally have when doing things in the nature of art, not just because I’m not good at it, but because my roommate Carrie IS an artist. Like, she went to school for it and stuff. Typically any urge I get to art is squashed by self-consciousness, if not by laziness (which squashes so many things). It’s hard for me to loosen up and art when I have an actual artist in proximity who can and will tell me everything I’m doing wrong.

But my latest need to art was too strong to be brought down by laziness or self-consciousness. Criticism be damned! I felt the urge and had to give in to it. And I’m actually pretty happy with everything I’ve done thus far. I sort of hope the feeling lasts.

Oh, and I did finally get the colored pencils.

Writing–I Think I Got a Hit

May 12, 2014May 9, 2014 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

So, Yearly has been selling pretty well, much to my surprise.

By selling well, I mean that it sold an average of a copy a day last month (the final count was 33). That’s pitiful if you’re someone else, but that’s fantastic if you’re me. Thirty copies of one title in a month is more that I’ve sold of everything else in over a year. I’ve sold over 60 copies of Yearly since its release in February. And things are already looking good for this month, too. If I could hit 100 total by June, that would be like meeting a goal I didn’t think I could even set. Sad, but that’s just how my writing career has gone so far. Slow build.

And by surprising I mean that I didn’t expect Yearly to do much of anything. It’s a short story anthology. I didn’t expect it to really hit on anyone’s radar. And yet, it seems someone finds it nearly every day. I’m not sure if this is the power of word of mouth or keyword searches or what, but I like it.

I think it also automatically sets me up for disappointment.

My own publishing schedule had me putting out something new next month. There’s almost always a surge of interest right after I publish something (except for Night of the Nothing Man, that’s just hated) because it’s new and people want to see if it’s worth the time and money. Inevitably, after that first week, interest disappears.

At least that’s the norm.

Right now, Yearly is a hit, but it’s also an anomaly. I’m not sure that the next thing I do will do so well. I may be a one-hit wonder instead of a chart topper.

I hope I can handle that.

Fat Girl Fashion in a Small Town

May 7, 2014January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

Today (as in the day I’m writing this blog post, not necessarily the day I’m posting it) I was feeling a ’60s vibe. So I wore a coral shift dress, white flats, and tied a wavy-patterned, purple bandana around my head in a ’60s style, fluffing up my my hair at the crown of my head to really sell it. I even did my make-up in a more ’60s style, but not too overtly ’60s. I don’t have the skill with false eyelashes and eyeliner to do that.

I also don’t own any white lipstick.

Then I went out and ran errands.

While out and about among the people of my little town in the cornfield, it was pretty obvious that I was operating on a different fashion level than the people I was around. Not a better fashion level, just a different one. And when you operate outside of the normal levels, well, you tend to stand out a little more.

I fell into a fashion rut a few years ago. Part of it was because I was broke and couldn’t afford new clothes. Part of it was because, even though I wanted to rock some new, stylish duds, I felt like I needed a place to wear these things. Just going out around town to run errands or going to teach homeschool or ferry the kid to and from school didn’t seem like a good enough reason to deviate from my t-shirt and jeans. I’d stand out and I didn’t want to stand out.

Last year, this started to change. First, I was able to afford new clothes. Second, I decided to stop worrying about what other people might be thinking about me because I chose to wear fishnets and boots to the liquor store (for the record, the older ladies at the liquor store have always been very complimentary about my style). Just because people around here were used to seeing only t-shirts and jeans, and people who knew me were used to seeing me in t-shirts and jeans, didn’t mean that I had to continue in that rut.

I’ve been a little adventurous in my fashion choices as a result. Wearing my coral shift dress with an olive green military style jacket, bright purple scarf, flower fishnet tights, and black suede boots. Rocking black and white patterned pants with a black or white t-shirt and black or white flats, depending on the need. Wearing an olive green tie dress and bright purple scarf (that scarf became a favorite over the winter) with gray and black fishnets and black combat style boots. Pairing my black shift dress with a red plaid shirt, gray tights, and boots.

I got a million of them.

(Okay, not really, but I wish I did.)

I kidded on Twitter that if I had a full-length mirror, people would be getting daily tweets of my outfits. Only, I wasn’t really kidding. I really would do that just because I’m so pleased that I’ve broken out of my fashion rut in such a colorful, fun way.

It gives the folks in my small town something different to look at, too.

Writing–May Projects

April 30, 2014April 22, 2014 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

The final polish of A Tale of Two Lady Killers is done. The contest essay is submitted. The slog to get projects completed continues.

Next up will be the final polish of Spirited in Spite.

And then I will be back to revising.

I probably should get back to The Timeless Man, but I haven’t quite worked out everything that needs to be fixed yet, so I don’t want to start it until I know the solutions to all of the problems. It can sit another month or so while I work the last few kinks out in my head.

Instead, I’m going to take another hack (pun intended!) at Hatchets and Hearts and maybe try to get in another round of revisions done on “She’s Not Here Anymore”. Of course, the latter will depend on how well the revisions of the former go. If they turn out to be a big struggle, then I’m not going to add to my pain. I anticipate the revisions on both of these projects, even though they’ve each been revised/rewritten before, to be rough.

But if by some miracle, they both end up being easier than I anticipated, there’s plenty of things left of my To Do List to fill my time.

Rerun Junkie–Murder, She Wrote

April 28, 2014April 22, 2014 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

One of the few reruns that I had the pleasure of watching first run before it became a rerun junkie delight, to me, it was never just for old ladies.

I told my niece that's taking piano lessons if she didn't learn this theme song, her lessons were a waste. — I told my niece that’s taking piano lessons if she didn’t learn this theme song, her lessons were a waste.

Murder, She Wrote follows the exploits of widowed former-teacher Jessica Fletcher (Angela Lansbury) who now writes mysteries under the name of J.B. Fletcher and solves a few in her spare time. In her quaint hamlet of Cabot Cove, she’s assisted by first Sheriff Amos Tupper (Tom Bosley) and then his successor Sheriff Mort Metzger (Ron Masak) and local doctor Seth Hazlitt (William Window). Most, if not all of the mysteries, were murders, so a lot of people died in Cabot Cove. The guy adjusting the population number on the welcome sign was always busy.

But, it wasn’t just Cabot Cove that was filled with people offing their neighbors left and right. Wherever Jessica Fletcher went, people died (sort of an important component of the series, but it made the woman look like the Angel of Death). At a circus? Murder. On an airplane? Murder. Trapped in a cafe during a storm? Murder. Trapped in a ski lodge during a storm? Murder. At the stockbroker’s office? Murder. In a prison? Murder. At an archaeological dig? Murder. At a wedding? Murder. At a crazy friend’s house? Murder. On a ranch? Murder. At a local inn? Murder. In Sleepy Hollow? Murder.

Here a murder, there a murder, everywhere a murder murder.

They mysteries were pretty straight-forward. They introduced the principal characters, someone died, an investigation ensued, and Jessica would solve it before the credits rolled. A simple formula that could be used to in so many ways, the stories didn’t really get old.

I admit that most of my favorite episodes take place in or near Cabot Cove, or at least with one of the sheriffs or doctor. The chemistry Dame Lansbury has with Mr. Tom Bosley and Mr. William Windom, and later Mr. Ron Masak (who is one of my favorites), is fabulous. You’d never get tired of having lunch with that group.

So, do want to investigate a murder before or after lunch?

The show ran for twelve years with over 200 episodes, so I’m not exactly exaggerating when I say EVERYONE was on this show. It took me hours over days to sort through everyone before I realized that I could do a whole blog post on the guest stars alone, which I’ll probably end up doing at some point. In the meantime, I decided to do a very short list featuring the names I wanted to feature. Neener.

Other recurring characters on the show included:Michael Horton as Jessica’s often-in-trouble nephew Grady; private investigators Jerry Orbach as Harry McGraw (who got his own, short-lived spin-off) and Wayne Rogers as Charlie Garrett; Keith Mitchell as jewel thief Dennis Stanton; Len Cariou as British agent Michael Hagarty; Herb Edleman as Lt. Artie Gelber and Ken Swafford as Lt. Catalano, the law enforcement Jessica often collaborated with when she was in New York (not my favorite episodes, sorry, guys); Cabot Cove folks Claude Akins as Captain Ethan Cragg, Julie Adams as Eve Simpson, Richard Paul as Mayor Samm Booth, John Astin as Harry Pierce, and Will Nye as Deputy Floyd and Louis Hearthom as Deputy Andy Broom.

Familiar faces from the reruns I’ve blogged about here include: Kevin Tighe, Randolph Mantooth, Robert Fuller, Marco Lopez, Vince Howard, James McEachin, Harry Morgan, Martin Milner, Kent McCord, Adam West, Cesar Romero, Frank Gorshin, Lee Meriweather, James MacArthur, Chuck Connors, Johnny Crawford, Dirk Benedict, Melinda Culea, Eddie Velez, Robert Vaughn, William Lucking, Lance LeGault, Rue McClanahan, George Grizzard, Monte Markham, Melissa Sue Anderson, Karen Grassle, Bonnie Bartlet, Dean Butler, Max Gail, Gregory Sierra, Ron Glass, Abe Vigoda, David Soul, Alan Hale, James Hampton, Forrest Tucker, Joe Santos Noah Beery Jr, Gretchen Corbett, William Conrad, and David Hedison (okay, I haven’t done Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea yet, but I’m going to!).

And just think…that’s the only the tip of the ice berg when it comes to familiar faces.

This is one of those shows that never fails to entertain me, no matter how many times I’ve seen an episode. I catch new things each time I watch it. And Jessica Fletcher is a delightful woman to spend an hour with.

Mostly because you know that you’re the one that won’t end up dead.

Writing–Creating a Series

April 21, 2014April 19, 2014 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

At some point after one of the heavy revisions of Cheaters and Chupacabras (long before it was titled, of course, because that didn’t happen until the last minute), I realized that Ivy and her friends could host a series of novellas. I’d even had an idea at the time for what the next novella would be.

But creating a series is new to me. Sure, I’ve read a few, but I’ve never actually given it a try by my own writing hand.

When I was writing The Timeless Man, my idea for Ivy novella number two, I came up against several difficulties in the first draft, one of which was keeping track of the details from the first novella. There needs to be continuity in a series, otherwise people can be moved to lose their interest and/or shit. This is the sort of thing that plagues TV shows. And now I found it plaguing me.

What was Michelle’s married name? What did Candy look like? What was Ivy’s hometown? Did I even name it? Was Art a bachelor or divorced or a widower? Did I say?

Little things like that. While writing The Timeless Man I saw that I need a way to keep track of all of these things. Character names and places and descriptions and relationships –that whole scene. After all, I’ve got ideas for two more novellas after The Timeless Man. I need to get the established stuff straight because I’m only going to be adding to it.

For now everything is scribbles and scratches while I try to figure out the best way to go about organizing these things. I’m going to need to do the first round of revising/rewriting on The Timeless Man soon. I’d like to have my ducks in a row by then.

Or at least all in the same pond where I can see them.

Change and a Haircut

April 16, 2014January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

Not to be too dramatic about it, but something significant happened after I got all of my hair cut off.

I changed the way I saw myself.

Okay, yeah, duh, of course I would. Having really short hair makes me look different than when I have semi-short hair that I can still pull back into a ponytail. It’s very different from the long hair I had years ago. But the difference I’m talking about goes deeper than just hair length.

The best way I can explain it is like this. I have two shelves that house some of my Cubs memorabilia. On one shelf is a picture of me taken with a friend and a player. Every time I look at that picture, I think to myself, “I’m not that person anymore.”

Of course not. That was two years ago. People change in two years. Hell, people can change in two days. But seeing myself in that picture with my old hairstyle, it’s a physical representation of how I have changed.

The person in that picture was kind of depressed, not very confident, constantly bombarded with negative thoughts. She was insecure, unsure, and feeling pretty weak.

I am not that person anymore.

Okay, I can still be somewhat negative because I’m pessimistic by nature, but I’m not focusing that negativity on me. I’m using it more as a tool of realism instead. I’m more confident about who I am now, more willing not to feel bad about not living up to society’s ideals.

The girl in that picture gave a lot of lip service to an idea that she was a worthwhile human being just as she was and people needed to accept it because it was their hang-up, not hers, and she really wanted to believe that idea, but couldn’t quite make it.

I’m not that girl anymore. Now I believe what I say. I believe that idea.

Sometimes when I think of myself, see myself in my head, I picture myself with my old hairstyle and I have to correct myself. That girl I used to be didn’t disappear; she lingers. This me grew out of that me and I have no doubt that another version of me will grow out of the me I am now. I am an always evolving thing.

Obviously, the haircut didn’t start that.

It just reminds me of it.