On this day of love and generosity, of family and friends, of food and more food, I hope your heart grows three sizes today.
Writing–Cheaters and Chupacabras
I’m happy to announce that my Ivy novella has finally been published and just in time to be a last minute digital stocking stuffer!
Head on over to Smashwords and/or Amazon to get your copy of Cheaters and Chupacabras. Only $0.99!
Rerun Junkie–F Troop
John Wayne couldn’t patrol the entire Old West. Forts were established to help protect those wild areas. None were as funny, though, as F Troop.
The show revolved around Sgt. Morgan O’Rourke (Forrest Tucker) and Cpl. Randolph Agarn (Larry Storch) working to make their side business profitable while keeping it secret and also keeping their favored Captain Wilton Parmenter (Ken Berry) happy and oblivious, while he tries to keep the enamored Wrangler Jane (Melody Patterson) enamored without being TOO enamored. O’Rourke and Agarn worked with the Hekawi tribe, led by Chief Wild Eagle (Frank DeKova) to sell souvenirs, but also to help keep up certain illusions with Captain Permenter at the fort.
Members of F-Troop included lousy bugler Dobbs (James Hampton), blind sentry Vanderbilt (Joe Brooks), and Alamo veteran Duffy (Bob Steele). Chief Wild Eagle was aided by his son Crazy Cat (Don Diamond), who was more than ready to take over, Smokey Bear (Ben Frommer), and Roaring Chicken (Edward Everett Horton).
The show featured many of O’Rourke and Agarn’s get-rich quick schemes, including buying a ghost town, trying to get dancing girls for the saloon, trying to rope a wild horse to sell, and just about anything if the Hekawi could be made to agree to it. And since this was a Calvary post, there were always inspections, transfers, training, and other such military-minded things that Captain Parmenter was always prepared for as he always carried his trusty army manual with him.
Folks that stopped by Fort Courage included: James Gregory; Arch Johnson; Mako: funny men Henry Gibson, Don Rickles, Harvey Korman, Paul Lynde, Milton Berle, and George Furth; my forever favorite guest star J. Pat O’Malley; Catwomen Lee Meriwether and Julie Newmar; John Dehner; Zsa Zsa Gabor; Jaques Aubuchon (Boris!); Pooh and Baloo…I mean Sterling Holloway and Phil Harris; cowboys Jack Elam, Victor French (who I didn’t even recognize!), and Don ‘Red’ Barry; Vic Tayback; Jamie Farr (not in a dress but it’s this gig that led him to wear one); Mary Wickes; Jeanette Nolan; Pat Harrington, JR; and two of my favorite people Vincent Price and Joyce Jameson. Ivan Bell, John Mitchum, and Jimmy Horan also had recurring roles as troopers.
Let’s just get this out of the way right here. The show ran for two seasons in the 60’s (’65-’67). Political correctness hadn’t been invented yet. They called the Indians…Indians. In fact, they even use the word “redskin” in the theme song that was used the first season. None of the people playing Indians are Indians. This was commonplace at the time. Don’t let this detract from the show.
This is a show like Gilligan’s Island in the sense that it is quite silly, but it’s incredibly funny and probably wouldn’t have worked without this particular cast. Forrest Tucker and Larry Storch are brilliant together, their delivery and timing spot on. It’s hard to imagine anyone else doing the exact same scenes and having them be as funny. Ken Barry is a bit overshadowed because of this, but his Captain Parmenter is just as much fun and the interactions with Melody Patterson’s Wrangler Jane are both sweet and hilarious. Even though Frank DeKova and Don Diamond are basically playing stereotypes with the speech patterns and stuff, they’re still funny without every joke being about them being Indian. There are a lot of jokes that you can see coming a mile away and yet you still laugh.
I’m telling you, it’s all in the delivery.
I remember first seeing this show when I was a little kid (it was on late at night with Laugh-In, The Monkees, and Get Smart), but I never gave it much of a chance. I should have, though. I’ve missed out.
I was kinda dumb for a kid.
I Don’t Know How You People Do It
In the next week I’ll have a holiday party, three Christmases, grocery shopping, one floorset shift, and hopefully a haircut.
I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
And I can feel my anxiety rise every time I look at my calendar.
It’s not that I don’t want to do these things (okay, I’m not a big fan of grocery shopping), but it’s just a lot of me to do in a week. For once, this has nothing to do with my laziness.
I’m an introvert.
Someone explained it that when it comes to social interactions, extroverts take in the energy from being out and about while introverts expend it. As an introvert, this means I will be expending some level of energy for every activity I do the week in question. The routine stuff, like floorset and grocery shopping, doesn’t require as much energy as the holiday party and the Christmases will, but it will all cost me. I’m going to be more than wiped out by the time it’s all said and done.
As an introvert, I require a certain amount of preparation and recovery time from social interactions. Sometimes it’s not much. Sometimes it’s a lot.
This means I don’t go out as much as my friends. I’m not as socially active. I have one friend that I know might be home for dinner one or two nights a week, maybe. She’s always running. After work there are all sorts of activities that she or her husband or her kids are involved in. And that’s great! But I have no idea how she can manage it because for me, it would be so draining that I’d be dead within a week.
She is an extrovert. And I’m little jealous of that.
Being an introvert can be a bit tiring. I don’t go out as much with my friends as maybe I should or maybe I’d like to. There are times when my energy is riding high and I’m good to go. Lots of times, it takes all I can muster just to get through the regular social interaction of my day. As a result, people stop asking you to do things because they know the answer will “always” be no. It’s kind of a bummer.
I’m not trying to whine about it. I’m sure there are bummer aspects to being an extrovert, too. I’m just not sure what they are.
I’m too busy looking on in amazement at how people can be so socially active and not need a day or a weekend or a week (or month, or…) to recharge. To me, extroverts are like the Energizer Bunny, just going and going and going.
Meanwhile, as an introvert, I feel like a dying laptop battery that’s gotta be charged every couple of hours.
I wonder if I can get a replacement off of Amazon.
A Sew-Sew Gift
Usually I have to ask my mother what she wants for her birthday or Christmas, and when I do, it’s usually rather entertaining (she’s asked for everything from a candle to some of my artwork to a new shirt of my choosing to a Kid Rock CD).
This year, however, I didn’t even have to ask. Mom was ready with her request.
Having moved into a new house she found herself in need of two things. One, coasters. Two, kitty curtains.
Mom has seven cats. She decided that a good place for one of their litter boxes would be in a cabinet in her mudroom where she has her washer and dryer. She’d take a panel out of one of the bottom doors and make an entrance for the cats. But she wanted to dress it up a little so it didn’t look like your run of the mill hole. So she bought some black and white cheetah print fabric and asked me to make curtains of them.
With the rest, she wanted some new coasters, at least six. Mom prefers cloth coasters because they don’t stick to your glasses like other kinds do.
These two projects were kind of an interesting challenge because I’d never attempted either.
I took measurements for the curtains, cut two panels, did some hems, and then attached the two panels so they were overlapping. Mom did the rest, attaching velcro to the top and then to the cabinet. She then screwed hooks into the sides of the door and held back the curtains with, of all things, hair ties. It turned out really cute!
As for the coasters, I went back to the days of my first sewing project: pillows. I cut the squares and then sewed them the same way I used to sew pillows. Instead of stuffing the coasters with fluff, though, there’s a square of old towel sandwiched in there to help absorb the moisture while leaving them washable.
Mom is rather pleased with her gifts.
I am, too. Not bad for a self-taught hand-sewer.
Making Grinchmas
I make as many presents as I can for Grinchmas. The present depends on the person. My nieces always get jewelry, but what kind of jewelry varies from year to year (and request to request; I’ve been making them jewelry for years so they anticipate it now). Other folks I try to come up with something unique, but if I can make several for different people, I find that handy.
Last year a couple of my friends got little recipe books that I personalized for them while several of my family members got mason jars that I wrote on with hot glue and then painted silver so the writing would show up. I filled the jars with either tea or hot chocolate and attached candy canes with ribbons.
This year I found a recipe to make dough for Christmas ornaments and decided that would be a good idea. Creative and unique and I could make several of them for different people. Of course I’m making jewelry for my nieces (including the newest one I picked up through my sister’s marriage) and my cousin’s girlfriend, and my mother requested that I sew her some kitty curtains and coasters for her new house (I’ll post an explanation with pictures about all of that later).
While it’s nice to have everything known and lined out and whatnot, I’ve found that once again I’ve put the pressure on myself time-wise. And I even started earlier this year than last year!
Part of the pressure comes from trying to do all of these things between three jobs and writing. The other part comes from the fact that some of this stuff has to be mailed and if I want it there before the holiday, I need to have it done sooner than everything else.
The biggest part of the pressure, though, comes from my brain. I feel like I need to have this done NOW. And I won’t be happy until it is all done. Never mind that I sew by hand and that I have to wait for my charms to arrive by mail and that paint needs to dry. Now. NOW.
It’s like there’s a self-imposed deadline is in my head. More like a clock ticking down to detonation. If I don’t get this all done by a certain time everything will blow up.
The clock was running down for me this past weekend. I could see it in my head, ticking down to Sunday night. Which was kind of silly. Of everything that I still had to do (most of the jewelry and the kitty curtains were already done), only the coasters HAD to be finished (I delivered the curtains last week and I promised the coasters by Tuesday). Most of the ornaments won’t be delivered until Christmas Eve/Day. Of those that have to be mailed, I still have time for that. Ditto with the bracelet I have to make (the one for my niece’s birthday, which is a week before Christmas, is a little more pressing, but not that much really).
So I spent the weekend frantically thinking about all of the things I needed to have done and doing those said things.
Not the most restful weekend, but at least I’m almost ready for Grinchmas.
Now I just need to start wrapping things.
But that’s another post.
Rebuilding My Wardrobe
Not having a steady income flow means that I’ve learned to be very cheap in order to get the bills paid. This means that the things I want are no longer options and many things I need are relegated to want status because I can find a way to live without them.
This is why I went for several years without buying new clothes. Oh, I’d buy a new shirt or a pair of jeans if I absolutely needed to, but clothes became a “want” item and I couldn’t afford to want anything. As such, my look and my style suffered. I’ve posted before about my fat girl style and let me tell you, I’m not much into fashion, but it’s a real drag when I can’t keep up with my own style the way I want to.
However, lately, the income has picked up and gotten steady and I’ve been able to capitalize on it. In other words, I’m buying new clothes.
And it’s a glorious feeling!
I’m finally able to do some of the trends that I’ve be admiring: skinny jeans tucked into boots, cute cardigans and scarves, bright colors, things that actually fit. I’ve felt so dumpy in my old stuff. I’ve got sweaters that are a decade old and are, unfortunately, showing it. I got tired of always wearing t-shirts and jeans that were patched within an inch of their lives. Like I’ve said, I’m no fashionista, but dammit, I like to look good. This is my fat body and my fat body deserves to look its best. I know other folks would rather I dress this bad bitch in a muumuu and never leave my house, but that’s not going to happen. (Unless I can find one of those fabulous 1970’s Hawaii Five-0 muumuus, but I’ll still be leaving my house to show that bad boy off.) I’m enjoying this whole experience of getting new clothes and rocking them hardcore.
But this little bit of extra money coming in doesn’t mean I’ve abandoned my cheap ways. I’m still only buying clearance or sale stuff, still waiting for days when I can take an extra 25 or 30 or 40% off. I’m still trying to stretch my dollar to the limit, getting the most I can for what I pay. And there are still things I’d love to buy, but that price has to come down more first.
I’ve waited for so long to be able to get to this point in which I could buy new clothes that I’m worried that I’m overdoing it, that all of this spending, even if I’m not spending that much at a stretch, will come back to bite me in the ass. That’s the trouble with being money-less for so long. Having money doesn’t eliminate the worry of going back to not having money.
But in the meantime, while I work to make sure I’m not money-less again, I’m bound and determined to look good doing it.
The Definitive Grinchmas Post
The purpose of this post is to concisely explain Grinchmas to anyone who might be curious as to what I’m talking about when I refer to it on Twitter or Facebook (because I’m usually not being an actual Bah Humbug when I talk about it) or tell folks to Rob Whoville instead of one of the standard December sayings. It might also be used as a sort of blueprint in case anyone else would like to celebrate or create their own December holiday alternative.
The Origin of Grinchmas (in a nutshell)– I created the holiday in reaction to the material gluttony of Christmas and the Christians telling me I HAD to say “Merry Christmas”, but shouldn’t be allowed to celebrate it because I’m not Christian.
How I Celebrate Grinchmas:
-I bid people “Rob Whoville” instead of saying “Merry Christmas”, “Happy Holidays”, or any of the other standard phrases. When the Grinch robbed Whoville, the reaction of the Whos made him realize that Christmas was about more than presents and his heart grew three sizes that day. “Rob Whoville” means more to me than “Merry Christmas”.
-My Grinchmas decorations (which curiously look a lot like Christmas decorations) are put up on December 1st and come down on December 31st, completely contained within the month of December.
-I make as many Grinchmas gifts as I can. The few Grinchmas gifts I buy are bought with gift cards that I earn through a market research program (and those gift cards are specifically for Grinchmas; I don’t consider them mine to use for myself for the most part). The only money I spend on Grinchmas is for any materials I might need to make gifts.
And that’s about it. That’s how I roll in December. It’s the way I prefer to celebrate the holiday season. I can still blend in and do Christmas with my family and friends and such, but for me, doing Grinchmas is much more fulfilling. Instead of going through the motions like I used to do, the motions now have some meaning.
Grinchmas is a made-up thing and I’m sure it will continue to evolve with the years, but these are the basics, the FAQs, if anyone ever asked me about it. I’ll add to this post if I need to.
I don’t think I’ll need to.
Writing–December Projects
December is always a rough month writing-wise for me. Between the NaNoWriMo hangover (which, I admit, can’t be bad this year since I was done in two weeks) and the holidays and the holiday obligations, writing seems even more of a chore than it should be. In order to combat that, the writing-goals for December get toned waaaaay down.
This month I only have a few goals which shouldn’t tax my brain and my patience too much.
I need to get the cover art done for the Ivy novella, which finally has a name! I’m calling it Cheaters and Chupacabras, which is a crappy name, but it’ll do, pig, it’ll do. And once I get the cover art done, I will be publishing it so you can find out if the novella itself is less-crappy than the title (I think it is).
I also need to get the cover art for my next anthology, Yearly, done. I’d like to have that published in January. And don’t let the title fool you; it’s not a yearly thing. It’s just the way the stories ended up representing months and I decided to capitalize on it.
And finally, I’m revising “She’s Not Here Anymore”. It was originally written as a novella, but after reading it again, I’ve decided to rewrite it as a short story. I’m taking out certain elements of the story because it ended up not being what I wanted and the new way will be better. I’m giving myself the whole month to do it because I’m not exactly enthused about it, but I think it needs to be done. Once I get the rewrites finished, I think I’ll be happier with the story and therefore, a little more inclined to work on it.
So that’s what I’ll be doing in December. Enough to keep me productive, but not too much to make me feel like an utter failure.
Writing–Cover Me
I think it should be obvious that I create my own covers for my self-published titles. I also think the reason for that should be obvious: I am poor. I don’t have the money to hire someone to create a cover and frankly, I don’t think my penny operation is really worth the effort of hiring someone to do the covers.
So that leaves me and I think I haven’t done too bad of a job of it.
For my first self-titled venture, Rejected, I just used a cover generator type deal and it actually came out pretty close to what I was hoping. Yeah, it’s plain and not exactly creative, but it served the purpose.
For Gone Missing, I actually lucked out a little bit. There’s a bit of my great-aunt’s backyard that looked to me like a spot of woods that might be lining the town of the missing. I took the picture, added the text, and ta da! Cover!
For Night of the Nothing Man I knew what I wanted and I knew I was going to have to draw it myself. I’m no artist, but what I had in mind was simple enough. I wanted a crude shadow of a man standing on a hill set against a white background. Again luck was with me because it only took me one try to get the drawing just as I wanted. Then it was just a matter of adding text and whatnot.
Knowing that I’m the one doing the covers presents some advantages and disadvantages. While I don’t have to worry about paying someone who delivers substandard work, late work, or no work at all, I do have to accept that my ideas aren’t always workable because the person executing the ideas (Me) has limited abilities.
I also have to accept that I don’t always have ideas.
I’m facing that particular problem right now. I’ve got two projects, a novella and a short story anthology, fit to publish and yet…no covers. I’m not exactly sure what I want to do with either of them. This is kind of a problem because I sort of have this idea for publishing deadlines for them, though I have more time with the anthology than the novella.
I just paused writing this entry for five minutes to think about possible covers.
It’s something that’s going to bother me, always simmering away in the back of my mind until suddenly, the good idea will come to me.
Then I’ll just have to worry about being able to do it.
