Rerun Junkie– The Rockford Files

December 14, 2012January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ 4 Comments

The theme song is easily in my top five of all-time favorite TV theme songs.

This was one of those shows I watched at my grandma’s house on the all awesome-detective show network (okay, not really; it just seemed like these shows were all on the same channel, but they were all awesome). It was right up my alley. A 70’s detective show. I didn’t realize then how much I would love that specialization, but I’m sure The Rockford Files had something to do with it.

Jim Rockford (James Garner) is a private investigator that drives a kicky Firebird, lives in a trailer at the beach, tries to talk his way out of physical confrontation, and keeps a gun (for which he does not have a permit) in a cookie jar. He did time in San Quentin for a crime he didn’t commit and was pardoned for. His father Rocky (Noah Beery, Jr.) does his best to get Jim to find a safer line of work, but usually gets drawn into his cases (or brings some to him) anyway. Jim also has a friend from prison, Angel Martin (Stuart Margolin), that tends to bring trouble to his trailer door, usually due to his scheming. His lawyer (and sometimes girlfriend) Beth Davenport (Gretchen Corbett) and Sgt. Dennis Becker (Joe Santos) help him out of more jams than they get him into.

There wasn’t much glamour in Rockford’s private investigator life and his pursuit of cases (missing persons, minor insurance scams, and closed cases so he doesn’t have to deal with cops working open ones) in order to earn a living sometimes got him into trouble. That was pretty much the whole point of the show. Rockford would end up working on cases full of trouble and then he’d have to find a way out while solving the case.

Despite Rockford not being fond of getting into physical altercations, it seemed like he got into at least one an episode, more than once getting the crap kicked out of him. Definitely a different take than other detective shows in which the star in question rarely got roughed up. Rockford also seemed to have to evade trouble (or chase trouble) in his gold Firebird, scenes that loved to feature what became known as the J-Turn or “Rockford”, a move used by the secret service which involves driving backwards, turning the wheel sharply to spin the car around in a 180 and then slamming that sucker into drive. I don’t know how he never dropped a transmission doing it, but he’s a man that makes off the rack suits look great, so there you go.

As for guest stars, this show had them including several recurring characters. They included: Louis Gossett Jr., Isaac Hayes, Dennis Dugan, Tom Selleck (before he was Magnum, he was Lance White, the perfect PI), Kathryn Harrold, James Whitmore, Lauren Bacall, Harold Gould, Sharon Gless, Ned Beatty, Joan Van Ark, Linda Dano, Joe E. Tata, Gordon Jump, Noble Willingham, Stacy Keach Sr., Carmen Argenziano, Bill Mumy, James Sikking, Abe Vigoda, Veronica Hamel, Hector Elizondo, and (for the Dallas and Halloween II fans) Hunter von Leer.

My favorite episodes were the ones with Angel. He’d always end up getting Rockford in trouble somehow, usually because he was in trouble and needed help, and while Angel was sniveling and whining and scheming, Rockford would spend the entire episode fed up and at his wits end.

I loved the Rockford/Angel relationship. Their back-and-forths were some of the best. I also adored the father/son relationship between Jim and Rocky. One of my favorites.

It’s a great show. I could use a Jim Rockford in my life.

Where I Watch It

Writing–I Have No Idea What I’m Doing

December 12, 2012January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I feel like that sometimes, like I have no clue what the hell I’m doing. Not just when I’m working on my writing, either, though that happens plenty of times. For every day I think I know what I’m doing, there are two that I feel like I don’t.

I’m still not sure I know how to write a novel because I’ve yet to successfully revise one into completion. Working on short stories, more than once I’ve stopped to ask myself, “Is this right?” Even when it comes to blogging, I feel lost at times, like I’m just faking my way through it, looking like an idiot all the way.

But this feeling of not knowing what I’m doing goes beyond the writing doubts. It encompasses my whole career (if you want to call it that). Should I be splitting my time between writing novels and working on short stories? Is the Outskirts a waste of time? Should I really be self-publishing my novellas? Should I even be writing novellas? Should I focus all of my time and energy on getting one novel manuscript finished so I can start shopping it to agents? How do I connect more with the writing community? I need to get into it, but where do I start? Should I wait until I do have a novel manuscript finished and few agent rejections so I don’t look like the impostor I feel like? I consider myself a writer, but will they?

It feels like flies on a dead body in June when my brain buzzes like this. It freezes me. I can’t make any decisions, can’t even look for a logical place to start trying to figure anything out. I can’t even figure out what I DO know because I’m not sure I actually know it.

It’s kind of a bitch.

When this sort of overwhelming “where am I?” happens, I find myself throwing up my hands and yelling “fuck it!” at the sky and going back to work on whatever it is I’m working on. Do I know what I’m doing? Fuck it! I’ll do it anyway! That’s the spirit!

Which really doesn’t do me any good because it doesn’t fix the underlying problem, but at least I do get something done. And the productivity makes me feel better. It makes me feel like I at least know how to cross something off my To Do List for that given day. It’s a sense of accomplishment.

It’s just the rest of it I still need to work out.

Fat and Fabulous

December 10, 2012January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

My bathroom picture skills leave something to be desired.

Many people on my Twitter timeline watched the Victoria Secret Fashion Show last week. Of those that watched, the comments ranged from the impracticality of the lingerie shown to men drooling to women complaining about how good the women looked and how they paled in comparison to men complaining about the women complaining.

I was eating ice cream and watching reruns of The A-Team at the time, but I did catch a snippet of it and saw a woman in elaborate tiger lingerie and my first thought was, “Holy hell, I couldn’t wear that. I’d get shot by some big game hunter or a redneck drinking shine on his porch.” That probably wasn’t supposed to be my first thought, but I’m crap about getting it right the first time.

Here’s the thing, I don’t watch the Victoria Secret Fashion Show because it holds no interest for me. I can’t fit into their lingerie, practical or impractical, I don’t really need lingerie, and though I do appreciate the female form, their models are too skinny for me. It creeps me out if I can see your spine when you bend over. You might be a very lovely person and we might get along swimmingly, but still. Bones go on the inside. That’s just one of my irrational quirks.

And I certainly don’t watch it to punish myself. There’s no sense in me looking at underwear I’m never going to fit into or compare myself to women I’m never going to look like. I was built to plow fields, so I’ll never lose enough weight to be thin. Being a size 4 is impossible if my bone structure won’t allow it. My self-esteem is kind of important and I try to go out of my way to nurture it. Watching HM Murdock fly helicopters and do impressions of Paul Lynde and aggravate BA Baracus is way better for my self-image than watching thin women walk around in their underwear. But that’s just me.

I try to maintain a mindset of fat and fabulous. I try to make that be my center. I can be both. I realize most people don’t believe this and in fact, try to fight it as hard as they can, and that’s cool. Everyone has their own agenda and this one is mind. I feel it’s better for my mental health to rock the body I’m currently using. If this body loses forty pounds, then I’ll rock it forty pounds lighter (I’ve done it before). If this body loses 100 pounds, I’ll rock that one, too (but I bet I’d be able to see my spine, so I’d probably spend a good portion of my time creeping myself out, too). The same would be done if I gained twenty pounds.

If it’s mine, then I’m going to own it. I realize that really offends people that want me to change to fit the ideal. I realize that it automatically puts me at a huge disadvantage in the realm of romance because society dictates that I’m not allowed to have what I want unless I conform or am willing to settle for much less than I want. I realize that I’m going to have to be harshly judged until the end of time and have to constantly correct people’s misconceptions.

But I also realize that I’m not the loser in this situation either. Your hang-ups about my looks aren’t my problem. It’s a consequence of being fabulous.

So good on Victoria and her secrets and her model and her questionable underwear.

But it doesn’t do a thing for me.

Writing–December Projects

December 5, 2012January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

December is always a screwy month for me. I’m coming down from NaNoWriMo, I’m dealing with the holiday gauntlet, and in general my time and energy is in flux. I never know what to schedule for myself during December because I never know how this roller coaster month is going to work out. I either give myself too much to do, decide to take on projects that are too ambitious, or I don’t give myself enough and I end up feeling like a slacker.

I’ve decided to err on the side of slackerdom this time around. I think I’m going to end up working on some Outskirts stuff. I’ve got a Paxton story I’m working on and some ideas for some Maisie Day stuff. I’ve got this idea for a couple novellas as written by Maisie (since she is a writer, you know). I think that’s what my morning project is going to end up as and I think I’m going to revise and cut down the Ivy novel I wrote over the summer to be one of Maisie’s. I’ve also got an idea for another one, but I haven’t done anything with it yet.

Working on all of that is both productive, but also low-commitment in a sense. There’s nothing urgent about it.

I will also continue my quest for rejections. It’s because obvious that I’m not going to meet my goal of 50 by the end of the year since I’m sitting at 15 right now. But 20 is within reach and I’ve got five stories out and four ready to go. If I finish the revisions on “Just Visiting” (I’ve already done most of the heavy lifting), that’ll be five. I didn’t submit at all in November, didn’t even really look around much. I need to finish the year with a final burst.

Trust me. It only LOOKS busy.

Socially Awkward Kind of Gal

December 3, 2012January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I have many great abilities and talents, but social skills are not one of them. The concern about this has been present since I was very small. The school thought I was very bright and wanted me to skip kindergarten. My mother, while she agreed that I was smart, declined the offer. She didn’t think I was ready socially.

It can be argued that I’m still not ready socially.

I do much better online than in person. I’m very comfortable with words, reading and interpreting them and using them to communicate. I get the opportunity to pick my words more carefully and say exactly what I mean. In person, I feel under pressure to communicate so things don’t always come out right. Not to mention that whole lack of tact thing I have going on. Through writing I can at least catch more of those gaffes.

I’m better when I’m with people I know and am comfortable with. There’s less pressure to communicate because these people know what I mean and if they don’t, they’re more likely to ask what the hell I’m talking about or call me out for being tactless and make me rephrase my thoughts. I’m not as concerned with not knowing how to socialize because those people KNOW I don’t know how to socialize and they forgive me (or at least tolerate me).

With new people, the pressure is on. I come across as rather shy at first because I’m trying to figure people out, trying to see what I can get away with humor-wise. I’m watching the new people to try to figure out how to appropriately interact with them because I honestly don’t know. I’m terrible at reading social cues. I have no idea the best way to end a conversation with someone when I’m done talking. I’m not always sure when another person ends a conversation with me. And when the conversation is over, hours later, I’m wandering if I did okay or if the person I talked with thinks I’m weird. I am weird, but I don’t want to come off as creepy weird.

Part of my problem, I know, is that I don’t interpret information like other people. My roommate loves to point out that I don’t think like normal people and she’s right and I think that’s part of my socialization problem.

The rest of it, I think, has to do with insecurity. I am insecure in places. I know myself too well not to be. I know my faults and when I’m interacting with people, it sometimes sets off that part of my brain. I wonder why these people are talking to me and what they really think about me. I know I shouldn’t care about what other people think of me, but in a way I do. I don’t want them to misinterpret my awkwardness and lack of social skills as something else. I have plenty of poor qualities to turn them off, but I want them to be turned off by the qualities I have, not the qualities they think I have.

I try to practice socializing. I keep thinking that if I keep using what little skills I have, they will develop and I will get better at it. When I was working part-time at Wal-Mart, the regular interaction with other human beings really helped. Since then, there is so much rust that’s built up and my once thriving skills have atrophied with disuse. When you’re not a social creature by nature, force is the only way you can build up these skills and keep them working. I haven’t been forced to use them and haven’t been forcing myself to use them.

And it shows.

I’m going to keep practicing, though. I’ll find ways to force myself to use my social skills and then I’ll force myself to use them. No doubt I’ll still be awkward, but if I could be less awkward, I’d be happy with that.

After all, communication is important.

Writing–Rejecting “Just Visiting”

November 28, 2012January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I received a rejection for one of my short stories, “Just Visiting”. I wasn’t surprised by the rejection because I wasn’t thrilled with the story when I sent it. I was, though, surprised that I got feedback for it. Most places don’t have time to give feedback.

Most of the feedback was pretty critical and that sort of thing always stings. Even though I didn’t think the story was that great either, it still stings to have someone else say so. Rejection isn’t supposed to be taken personally when it comes to writing, but I’m human and sometimes I take it as such. My mindset wasn’t in the best place when I got that email.

I was already feeling questionable about the work I’d been doing on my NaNo project. The rejection for “Just Visiting” was a direct blow to the ego, particularly with the criticisms. Those two things combined with reading a book of short stories that I really like and think are good led me to question if I wasn’t wasting my time with this whole writing business.

However, there was one glimmer of hope for me. Included in the critique was one line of praise that really struck me. I was told the story had some good descriptive lines. When I first read the email, I wanted to respond and ask which ones because I feel like that is my weakest area as a writer. That one bit of positive feedback kept me hanging on and kept me from trashing the story all together.

After a few days of contemplation, letting the whole thing simmer on the back burner of my brain, I’ve now got a plan of how I can revise “Just Visiting” into what will hopefully be a better story.

I think my ego will appreciate the effort the next time I send it out.

10 More Things About Me

November 26, 2012January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I couldn’t think of a good post for today, so when in doubt, go for a list!

1. I can sew, but only by hand. I’ve made pillows, pouches, and costumes, but none with a sewing machine. I can’t work a sewing machine at all. My grandma tried to teach me when I was a kid, but I didn’t really want to learn. In the years since, I’ve tried a few times to learn how to use it, but it thwarts me every time. I think that’s karma from not paying attention when I had the chance to learn from a master.

2. I have trouble with names and faces sometimes. Sometimes I can ran remember someone after meeting them one time. Sometimes I can be around a person for years and still not remember who they are. Ask my sister. When someone we went to school with friends me on Facebook, she’s likely to get a text from me saying, “Who is this? Why do I know them?” She’s my name-face memory bank.

3. I like trivia about movies more than I like actually watching them. I like useless knowledge in general, but for whatever reason, I love movie trivia. I’ll read facts about movies I’ll never watch in a million years.

4. I used to be able to do a really good impression of Saddam Hussein from South Park. I’d recite his dialogue from the movie for laughs.

5. I’ve never been to Disney World. My only trip to Florida was tagging along with my grandparents on a business trip. We drove there and back. Twenty-two hours one way. And it rained every day at noon while we were there. I wasn’t that impressed with Florida and I no longer have much desire to go to Disney World.

6. I like organizational stuff. Bins, folder, cubbies, labels, all of that jazz. I like the feeling of being organized like that. Ignore the fact that my dresser is covered with stuff I haven’t put away yet.

7. I’ve only had two ear infections in my life. One when I was three and one when I was eleven. My sister, on the other hand, had them all the time.

8. I don’t like Kool-Aid. Another thing that drove my mom nuts because I wasn’t like other kids (she ran a daycare so the more kids she could get to eat and drink the same things, the better). I would only drink one flavor called Rainbow Punch and when they stopped making it, I never drank any Kool-Aid again.

9. I’ve got a scar on my nose from being hit in the face with a ceramic humming bird. I was working at Wal-Mart at the time, standing on a ladder, rearranging a shelf with gift items, most of them various kinds of small ceramic figures in boxes. The shelf I was working on broke, several boxes slid towards me, and one with a humming bird hit me in the face, splitting open the bride of my nose and nearly knocking me off the ladder. I then ended up helping a customer while holding some tissue to my bleeding nose because I didn’t have time to properly doctor myself before the guy came up to my counter. He didn’t seem to mind that I was bleeding, though.

10. I’ve been told that I have a great voice for phone sex. So maybe I wasn’t asked to do all of those in-store announcements at Wal-Mart because it would be easiest for me to do it as opposed to someone else.

Writing–NaNo Completed

November 21, 2012January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

What? Already?

Of course. That’s my goal every year. I always aim to finish before Thanksgiving and this year I finished nearly a week before the turkey deadline. I did fall short of some other goals, though.

I aim for 60,000 words. That didn’t happen this year. I ran out of story right around the 50,000 word mark, which is great for winning NaNo, but not so hot with my own personal pride. I could have added an additional ten thousand words on a related story that would reveal what really happened to the missing girl that sort of threads the story together, but in the end I decided to just stick with the novel itself and let my ego take that lump.

I also put an interesting restriction on myself. Since the story is set in the 70′, I challenged myself to not use any language that would have been censored on 70’s era television. It was a silly little challenge designed to make me think a little bit more on my dialogue and encourage myself to be a little more creative rather than relying on the easy out of swear words for insults and exclamations. I mostly did it. Mostly. I fully admit to writing while tired and not caring about this self-imposed little demand.

On the other hand, I really pushed myself on the word count, writing 4,000 words a day four days a week instead of just on the weekend like usual and then sticking to 2,000 words on the three days of the week that I worked more than one job. It’s nice to know that I can maintain that level of demand if I really put my mind to it.

Overall, I’m rather pleased with the way the novel worked out. Not getting too far ahead on my outlining wasn’t a big deal and I think actually helped me be a little more creative with my story since I wasn’t concerned about getting too far off track. On the other hand, I think I could have benefited with a general story line set out before hand instead of going in as cold as I did. I admit, I didn’t have an ending when I started and that usually doesn’t bode well for me. This time it worked out.

As of right now, I rather like Night of the Nothing Man. It’s a pretty simple, straight-forward horror story. I’m thinking that it could be edited and revised down into a nice novella and I think I’m going to try for that.

All in all, I’m going to say this was a pretty successful NaNoWriMo. I certainly didn’t think it would turn out this well.

I love it when a plan comes together.

The Lives of Other Grown-Ups

November 19, 2012January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

It’s already been established in previous posts that I’m not very good at being a grown-up. I didn’t choose a conventional road through life. I’ve shirked many responsibilities that other people think I should have. I don’t have the typical, societal endorsed grown-up life.

So living this non-conventional life, I often wonder about the “normal” grown-ups I know and their lives.

For example, I know many people that work in various offices. They have cubes and they stare at spreadsheets all day and they complain about their coworkers and it’s all very normal and very adult. And I find myself hearing about their lives and wondering, is this what they wanted? Is this what they had in mind when the went to college? Is this their goal?

Of course, I don’t know and I don’t want to unintentionally offend anyone by asking. I don’t want to put down their job because it’s their life and so their job is important. And I’m not one to go around saying one job is more important than another. But I do wonder if this is what they always wanted to do.

I know that for some people, it isn’t. They took the jobs their in now because of other parts of their lives, other goals they wanted to achieve and the job they took was a way for them to do that. But some people, I wonder.

I wonder how some people can do it. I worked in an office and I didn’t care for it. I thought I’d like it and I didn’t. It wasn’t the people, it was just the job. It didn’t work with me. And the idea of being trapped in a job like that because I need to make money to pay the bills makes me break out in a cold sweat.

I wonder why it doesn’t have the same effect on them. Are they more mature than I am? Do they understand that common thread of normal life that I’ve somehow missed that working a drudge job is just part of the game? Or do they even see it as a drudge job? Is it something fulfilling to them? Does it fill something in them that I don’t have empty in myself and that’s why the idea of a grown up job gives me the hives?

I don’t know, but I regularly ask myself these thing.

I want to be a writer because it’s something I think I’m good at. It’s one of my few talents. It solves my problem of wanting to be so many things when I grow up by letting me bypass the actual time needed to be educated to do them and just writing about them instead. I get to live vicariously through my characters. I want to be my own boss. (Okay, that’s only sort of because I still have to answer to other folks like editors and such, but in general, I’m the one that figures out what I’m working on and what my timetable is for the most part.)

I’ve thought about abandoning that in favor of the “normal” life and being a grown-up, but I just can’t bring myself to go through with it.

I think I may be allergic.

But that doesn’t stop me from wondering about other grown-ups and their lives. No matter what, I hope they’re happy.

Writing–The Story Went “Boo!”

November 14, 2012January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

It’s not unusual for me to fall asleep thinking about a story I’m working on, particularly if it’s a big project like a novel. Many a night I drift off thinking about what happens next or what scenes need to be revised or what plot problems need to be fixed.

Most of my short stories are firmly in the horror genre. To date, I’ve only written one straight horror novel manuscript prior to this year’s NaNo project and in the end, I revised it to fit more in the vein of my other novels (a mix of horror, comedy, supernatural/fantasy). Every night during that November that I worked on that first draft, I fell asleep thinking about it. Mostly I thought about how boring it was. Writing it as straight horror wasn’t working out so well for me. But I plowed through it and called it done knowing I could fix it later.

Of all the nights that I fell asleep thinking about my scary stories, never once did anything I came up with keep me awake.

Until last week.

I tend to have trouble falling asleep and sleeping in general on Sunday nights. I don’t know if it’s the anticipation of the 6:30 Monday morning wake-up call or what. Last Sunday, as is typical for my November nights, I got into bed and attempted to drift off while thinking about my NaNo project. I was trying to figure out how to get my two MCs out of the cabin in the woods and back to their car with the bad guy looking in the window.

My brain tumbled this prospect around as I fell asleep, leading me down a promising path until sleep snuck in and the path suddenly turned and I jerked to consciousness though I wasn’t quite asleep, scared out of my wits.

I’ve never had one of my own stories do that to me. Never. I never think what I write is very scary. I rely on other people to tell me that the notes I attempted to hit and thought I hit were the right ones. But my own story jerking me out of a near sleep like that is new.

It makes me think I might be on to something here.

It also wrecked my Sunday sleep, yet again.

Let’s hope it was worth it.