Let’s Be Brave

~ Kiki Writes ~ 2 Comments

“Let’s be brave” is my new motto. It’s advice I received from the most unlikely source.

A couple of weeks ago, I dreamed about Michael Nesmith of the Monkees. He appeared to me in this dream as he looked back in about 1966, with the wool hat and the denim jacket and the young face with great sideburns. And in this dream he suggested to me that we stage a 1950’s fashion show. I don’t know why he wanted to do that, but I loved the idea of it. And I told him so.

He told me that I shouldn’t love the idea, but that I should love that he was brave enough to have the idea and share the idea. Then he looked at me and smiled and said, “Let’s be brave.”

I woke up in love with that sentence. “Let’s be brave.”

Too many times I’ve found myself holding back because I was afraid. Afraid of how I might be judged for having an idea and putting that idea out into the world. I don’t want to be seen as a failure. I don’t want to be seen as stupid. I don’t want my ideas to be judged as stupid.

This fear of being judged is keeping me from being brave. I can’t get anywhere, doing anything, be anything if I don’t make some bold moves and give my ideas the respect they deserve. First of all, no one else will respect my ideas or support them if I don’t put them out there. And if people don’t respect or support my ideas, than I’m getting the same amount of respect and support I’d be getting if I didn’t tell them at all.

The point is to be brave enough to own and accept my ideas for all the world to see.

I’ve made small steps in doing that already. I posted a novel chapter on the blog for people to read. This is something I don’t do because I don’t like anyone to see what I’m working on. I don’t like talking about it. I don’t want anyone to know.

Well, that’s silly. I’m a writer. I write. Here’s what I’m writing. Enough with this chicken shit.

Enough with the yellow-streak down my back that’s effecting more of my life that just my writing. Yellow is a terrible color on me anyway.

Let’s be brave.

Frontier All-Star Pictures

~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

Here are a few more pictures from the Frontier Home Run Derby and All-Star Game.

The West Division signing autographs.
The East Division signing autographs.
Home Run Derby champ Russell Moldenhauer of the Lake Eerie Crushers mashes one during the first round.
First pitch from the West Division.
First pitch from the East Division.
Rich Mascheri of the Normal CornBelters on the mound.
Frontier All-Star Game MVP Joash Brodin of the London Rippers takes a few swings on deck.
The Home Run Derby and the All-Star Game were sparkly good times.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Writing–Moving On Up

~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

Downtown highrise Miami FL USA 1589

Okay, the title of this post is misleading because in truth I am not going anywhere. What has “moved on up” is a couple of items now gracing the link bar up top right underneath my lovely banner.

Notice the additions?

Here, I’ll help.

First of all, I’ve moved the links to the stories I’ve had published from the sidebar to the top. They were buried down there like I was ashamed of them and there’s no telling how many people missed them because there weren’t prominently displayed. So now if you click on the “Read me” link above, you’re taken right to the list. And the freebies are listed first, in case you’re not ready for a monetary commitment (hopefully reading the freebies will convince you to invest a little green in my work, you know what I’m saying?).

The second change is the addition of a new experiment under the heading “Chapter One”. This is a feedback experiment. All I’ve done is posted the first chapter of one of my novel manuscripts and asked a simple question: Would you read more of this book?

This accomplishes two things. One, it satisfies my need for feedback, positive or negative. Writing is lonely and a lot of it is done without any sort of encouragement or acknowledgement of any kind. When you get to a point in which you wonder whether or not you should be spending all of your time on this project, a little feedback helps, preferably honest feedback.

Yes, I realize that I’m setting myself up for serious disappointment if a bunch of people tell me that they wouldn’t read any more of the book. However, that’s not going to discourage me from finishing the rewrites and revisions. I want it to be done and it’s going to be done. It might, though, seriously discourage me from trying to get it published. But that’s a bridge that I’ll cross should I get there.

I think the bigger possibility is that no one will read the chapter at all. Or they might read it, but they won’t comment on it. And that’s a disappointment I’m used to and it’s not going to dissuade me much from going all the way with this book.

There’s something fun and risky about putting this first chapter out like this. It’s something I don’t normally do. My roommate reads a lot of my short stories when I’m in doubt, but my novel manuscripts are rarely seen by any other eyes. Letting it go like this is a step for me.

I’m pretty sure it’s a step in the right direction.

Frontier League All-Star Game

~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

While everyone else sat at home and watched the MLB All-Star game one night and then no baseball at all the next night, I joined some friends to watch the Frontier League Home Run Derby and All-Star Game.

The Home Run Derby was fun. For the first round, Haley and I sat behind the plate and watched guys hit dingers mostly to right as the wind was really blowing out. For the final round, we moved to the berm where Haley’s husband Matt and son Walker were trying to catch some of the homers. Walker managed to get one. We were very proud of him.

I’m not going to lie, it was scary out on the berm. First of all, these balls were crushed. There’s a dent in the side of the clubhouse to prove it. And I was having a hell of a time seeing the ball. Until twilight, as soon as it came off the bat, I lost it. Then there was the herds of people tracking the balls. I’ve never been in a stampede, but I bet it feels a lot like that.

Russel Moldenhauer of the Lake Erie Crushers won. And with good reason. He murdered many baseballs that night.

The next night we took in the East vs. West division All-Star Game. We were rooting hard for the West (the CornBelters division) and it wasn’t looking for them early as the East very quickly put up five runs. Apparently, they didn’t use up all of their home runs at the derby.

CornBelter Alvaro Ramirez at bat for the West.

The West rallied a few times, but couldn’t outscore their pitching. They ended up going down 9-6. I’m proud to say that one of those West runs was knocked in by a Belter (Pat Trettel).

Despite the loss, the game was a good one and we had a lot of fun. Reggie the Purple Party Dude, Corny, and the Fun Crew kept the fans entertained. Haley and I and our mad dancing skills made the jumbotron a few times.

It was a great two nights in the Corn Crib.  Happy for our players that made the team: Pat Trettel, Pat McKenna, Alvaro Ramirez, and Rich Mascheri. Normal did a great job as All-Star hosts. Made me proud to be a Belters fan.

Get My Good Side

~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

English: A photo of a Voigtlander Vito II came...

I’m writing this post because I’m in the mood for a new Twitter avatar. I like to change it every couple of months. It alleviates boredom.

You would think this would be an easy task, however, I am one vain little fat girl. I want to look as pretty as I can in my pictures which isn’t always easy.

First of all, I’m limited with what DNA gave me. Filters and cropping only do so much. I’ve got what I got. And while I am fat and acknowledge that I’m fat, I do my best to make that fat look good.

Second of all, with this DNA configuration, I’m not exactly photogenic. You know those people that you can photograph while they’re wearing sweats, no make-up, haven’t brushed their hair in six days, and they’re hungover, but they still look really good? I am not one of those people. I’m also not one of those people that can’t take a good picture to save their life. You know those people. The ones that everyone says they look much better in person no matter when, how, and where the picture was taken or how much work the person put into their appearance prior to the picture being taken.

I’m somewhere in the middle. Some days I’m quite photogenic and with little effort I can take a pretty picture. Other days, it doesn’t matter how many pictures I take. From every angle, I’ve got only badness going on.

Then there’s the kind of picture I want to take. Am I in the mood for playful or serious or sexy? Do I want a solo shot, or do I want to pull a group shot from Facebook and use it? Much of the time, the picture I want to use is the picture I don’t have. Then when I try to take the picture I’d like to use, it doesn’t work out.

Sometimes I settle. Sometimes I wait until the timing is better. Sometimes I’m impatient which leads to frustration. All over a tiny little picture that most people don’t really pay attention to.

But I can justify a little bit. My Twitter is my main forum. Yes, I have a blog and a Facebook page, but Twitter is where I’m most active. I have over 700 followers now (what?). If I was going to brand myself, KikiWrites would be it. As such, the face on that profile is kind of important to me. It’s representing me. So I kind of have a right to be picky about the picture I put out there.

On the other hand, if I could let go of a little of my vanity, this would be a whole lot easier and I wouldn’t get so unnecessarily frustrated.

It’s not easy trying to be presentable.

Heat Wave

~ Kiki Writes ~ 2 Comments

Last week temperatures in the Cornfield climbed to the 100-105 range. My house has two A/C window units, one in the living room and one in the dining room. In order to cool more of the house, my room is shut off. No A/C for me.

Usually this is fine. Ice water, periodic trips to stand in front of the A/C units, and cold showers at night made spending most of my time in my room bearable.

However, not everything in my room appreciated the heat. Apparently, there was a defect in one of my candles and this defect mixed with the heat and well…

I think a lot of us felt like that by the end of the week.

Writing–The Week I Didn’t Write

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Write Your Story Blank Lined Notebook Paper Cr...

Between a heat wave that pretty much obliterated most of my productivity and a small “what am I doing with my life?” crisis, I didn’t write for a week.

That’s right. I didn’t write.

Initially, I’d just decided to take a 3-day weekend from writing, something I hadn’t done in a while. Like I said, I was having a bit of a crisis and I needed to take a break and reset. However, with the heat (I don’t have A/C in my room where I spend most of my time and do most of my work) those three days stretched out to a week.

Part of my crisis was the doubt that I should be wasting all of my time writing. I’ve been getting frustrated with it, the lack of progress, the lack of motivation, the fact that it felt like work. I decided to take a few days off and see how I felt about writing. If I thought I could leave it, then I would. I didn’t know what I would do, but I’d find something.

As it turns out, not writing was actually a good thing. Oh, I still want to make my living as a writer and I’m still going to write. But not writing helped me gain some perspective on my situation.

First of all, just because I wasn’t writing didn’t mean I wasn’t still thinking like a writer. What I mean is even though I was on break, I was still getting ideas. Ideas for new stories, ideas for revisions, ideas for rewrites. I did a lot of jotting down while I wasn’t writing. It was nice having the ideas just come to me like that instead of trying to force them or beg them to come out of hiding.

And I still did other writing. I kept up with my blog posts and  I wrote in my journal. I also scribbled on a couple of other goof projects, stuff that will never see the light of day. I could do it because I had the time to do it and I didn’t feel guilty about devoting twenty minutes to writing down a bit that came to mind.

I will admit that I was very bored without my writing. Yes, sometimes (lately most of the time) it feels like a pain and a chore, but without it, I was often left staring at my computer screen wondering what I should do. Sure I read more and of course I watched baseball, but that didn’t really fill the time like writing does.

In the end, not writing for a week helped me more than if I’d pushed through it and made myself write. I needed that time to reset, recharge, and re-evaluate what I was doing and how I was doing it.

I’m back to the grind again, working on a few different projects. It still feels like work sometimes. But it feels like the right kind of work now.

No Good Deed

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English: A picture of three eggs in a bowl, in...

Shortly after my parents divorced, when I was living in housing with my dad, I decided to make a cake. It was a box mix cake because baking isn’t my strength and when I was 16 cooking in general was not something I had a handle on. I thought it would be nice to surprise my dad with this cake.

So I my cake-baking on, putting the mix in a bowl and getting the eggs out of the fridge. As I’m putting the eggs back into the fridge, I drop the carton. I can’t remember exactly how it happened; I just remember that every egg in the dozen sans the two I pulled out for the cake mix broke all over the floor.

They say not to cry over spilled milk, but I tell you what, I bawled over those broken eggs.

And that incident stands out in mind as the perfect illustration of me trying to do something nice for people. I pay for it in some way. It doesn’t stop me from doing it, but I admit, the price has sometimes been high.

I realize this can come off as whiny and bitter and I admit to being a little whiny and bitter about it, but I’m also fascinated by it. “No good deed goes unpunished” isn’t just a saying for me anymore. It’s a rule to seriously consider before I do something nice for someone.

If you believe in Karma (and I kind of do), then ideally, if you do good, you get good in return. I do good and I, well, I don’t get it back. In terms of Karma, it makes me wonder what bad I’m still burning off that I can’t catch a break.

I should clarify that I don’t do good things for people with the idea of getting good things in return. First of all, it doesn’t happen. Second of all, I do good things because I think they should be done and I want to do them. It’s not an entirely altruistic feeling. Sometimes it feels like a duty or an obligation and maybe that’s where I’m screwing myself. It’s a have-to, not always a want-to. Good things don’t come from obligations. That’s why they’re obligations.

But then you have to figure that it’s because I feel like I have to do nice things for people that I keep doing nice things for people. Let’s face it. You would think that at some point I’d learn my lesson and just stop doing anything nice for anybody to avoid the cosmic retribution that comes with it. But I don’t. I keep doing nice things knowing that a kick in the groin is most likely coming. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. Sometimes not at all. Sometimes I get nothing and I’m happy with that.

Nothing beats a groin kick any day.

I guess what I’m trying to say with all of this blathering is that I like to do nice things for people even if I get some not-so-nice things in return from the universe and it just boggles my mind how literally my life takes the “no good deed” saying to heart.

It’s just one of those things.

Recipes: Shrimp Pizza with Spinach and Roasted Tomatoes

~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

In the winter time, I like to make a shrimp pasta dish with rainbow rotini, spinach, and roasted tomatoes and I’ve often thought that the ingredients (minus the pasta) would transfer well to a pizza.

I was so right. Here’s the recipe if you’re into trying new things.

INGREDIENTS

-1 bag of thawed, jumbo pre-cooked shrimp (cocktail shrimp)

-2 thin pizza crusts (store bought or make your own)

-2 bags of shredded cheese (I use Kraft 4 Cheese Pizza Cheese)

-1 bag of baby spinach

-roasted tomatoes (store bought or make your own; I’ll include my recipe for my own)

-1/2 tablespoon of butter

-1 or 2 cloves of garlic, minced

-olive oil

-red pepper flakes

INSTRUCTIONS

Pre-heat oven to 425.

In a skillet on medium heat, melt the butter and add the garlic. Add the spinach and wilt, giving it a good toss in the butter and garlic. Set aside.

Drain and prep the shrimp by pulling off the tails (pinch the tail from the top/bottom instead of the sides and the shrimp should pop right out with a little tug). Season with red pepper flakes (use as much or as little as you want; I usually use 1 to 1 1/2 tbsp).

Spread a thin layer of olive oil on the crusts. Use about a third of a bag of the shredded cheese to make a thin layer on one of the crusts (you’re going to use a bag a pizza). Top each pizza with the spinach, shrimp, and tomatoes. Use the rest of the bag of cheese to cover the toppings.

Bake for 9-11 minutes directly on the rack, until cheese is melted and a little brown and the crust is crispy.

The recipe makes two pizzas. It’s easily doubled or halved. I make two because if I don’t, I don’t get a piece. It’s very popular in my house. But it also keeps well, so it’s great for lunch the next day.

My recipe for roasted tomatoes.

INGREDIENTS

-3 or 4 medium tomatoes

-2 to 4 cloves of garlic, chopped

-olive oil

-salt and pepper

INSTRUCTIONS

Preheat oven to 400.

Slice the tomatoes into fairly small wedges and seed them (aim for about 8 wedges a tomato). Arrange them in a single layer on a baking sheet (I use a pizza pan covered in tin foil for easy clean-up). Drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper (about 1 tbsp each) and the chopped garlic. Give it a quick toss.

Roast (bake) in the oven for about 20 minutes.

I typically double this and make a big batch at once because I use them in several of my recipes. They keep really. Just make sure you let them cool before you stick in them in the fridge in a container.

Enjoy!

Writing–50 Shades of…Um…

~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment
Notes in a Moleskine notebook
Notes in a Moleskine notebook (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

First of all, let me say that aside from excerpts, I haven’t read 50 Shades of Grey. And the excerpts I’ve looked at read like fanfiction. Which is fine, except this is a best selling book and a kick right to the nuts of my ego.

Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t a knock on fanfiction. I like fanfiction. I wrote A LOT of fanfiction (well over 100 stories in at least 10 different fandoms, if not more; I can’t really remember). For me it was a great training ground. You’ve got to write a lot to learn how to be a better writer and I put in my time doing fanfiction. With characters and worlds ready-made, it was very easy to drop a story down on it and see what I could do with it. And I did a lot.

To this day, I feel my greatest fanfiction accomplishment was writing a story for a fandom that I knew little about. I mean I hadn’t even seen the movie the fandom was based around. My friend challenged me, told me some key details, and then let me go. Somehow, I was able to write a story deemed accurate and very in-canon. I’m still very pleased that I could do that.

However, in terms of popularity, nothing can compare to a story I wrote years ago. I’m not going to name the story, or hell, even the fandom because the Internet is forever and I don’t want anyone looking it up. I HATED that story. I hated it when I wrote it and I still hate it now. It was supposed to be a little one shot fic, but so many people clamored for more than I caved in and wrote more. To date, it probably eclipses everything I’ve ever written, original and fanfiction, in terms of popularity.

I’ve read it a couple of times since it was originally posted over a decade ago and while I still hate it, I also see how far I’ve come as a writer since. I still hate that story, but now I hate it on different levels, from the bones on up.

When 50 Shades of Grey first came out and its Twilight fanfic origins revealed, I gave a passing thought about giving my popular fanfic story the same treatment. Just find/replace the names and post it to see if anyone would still think it was so great.

With  my luck, they would. People would clamor over it now like they did back then and some publisher would want to buy it and then I’d have to go stick my head in the washing machine because it’s old enough that it’ll run the spin cycle without the lead closed. I couldn’t imagine being forever tied to that story, to have my success based on that story. It’s garbage and I know it and the fact that people would be willing to ignore the garbage-ness of it would make me wonder why I ever bothered to get better as a writer at all.

Because that’s the thing, isn’t it? I’m working on novel manuscripts, making a concerted effort to get better as a writer, and a piece of renamed fanfiction hits the best seller list. Jealous? Of course. Disappointed? Absolutely.

It makes me wonder why I’m wasting my time.

Maybe I should have stuck to fanfiction.