Five Weird Searches That Led Here

July 5, 2013January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I’ll be honest. If it weren’t for Starsky and Hutch fans, Randolph Mantooth stalkers, and folks in need of fat girl nudie pics, my blog wouldn’t get much action.

A lot of the searches that lead here are pretty run of the mill and make sense. As a Rerun Junkie I write about old TV shows, so searches, weird or not, relating to them make sense (hence all of the Starsky and Hutch/Randolph Mantooth folks ending up here). I write about being a fat girl (sorry, no nude pics), belly dancing, being tactless, breast reduction, the Cubs, the CornBelters, writing, bisexuality, etc. and getting tangent searches related to those keywords make sense.

Even so, some searches make me raise an eyebrow.

Here are five of the weirdest searches that led people here (and probably disappointed the hell out of them):

1. “magical plants to deter unwanted visitors”–I can understand the deterring unwanted visitors part, but I’m not exactly sure what’s intended by “magical”. Like Harry Potter magical or pagan magical or “Hey, my mother-in-law hates azaleas! Plant them everywhere!” magical?

2. “huge titties weightless enviorment”/”boobs in weightless environment”–Either the space station is cashing in on a very specific porn market or they’re missing out on one.

3. “stuff i just figured out about scooby doo”–More questions than answers here, folks.

4. “burnt popcorn smoke inhalation”–If this is a medical emergency, you should really contact a physician. Also, give up cooking for life.

5. “jesus zombie chocolate fertility bunny”–This sounds like the best Easter mash-up celebration ever and the only thing that makes it better is that this exact search hit my blog twice.

The Internet is an interesting place.

Writing–July Projects

July 3, 2013January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I don’t really have a lot going on this month, if I’m going to be honest.

I’ve finished cutting down and revising the Ivy novel into a novella. I did that at the end of last month after unexpectedly finishing everything I had planned over a week early. I needed to do something productive and that was it. I’m going to let it rest a couple of weeks and then go through another round of revisions on it.

Remember how I said the short story anthology I was working on was subject to change? Well, a change has come. I think one of the stories would work for a short story contest. All I’ve got to do is cut about thirty words from it to hit the word limit. So I’m going to do that. Meanwhile, I’m going to revise the new stories written for the anthology (again) and then start really looking at putting the thing together. I think I’ve got more holes in this plan than I initially thought, even before submitting one of the stories.

And…that’s it. All that’s left are little things, like doing a couple of essays I’ve got ideas for, but keep putting off doing and doing some organizing stuff.

Now watch. I think this month is light and I’ll end up racing to get it all done by the end of the month.

Writing–I’m Done…Now What?

June 26, 2013January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I finished my last pass on The World (Saving) Series. So now I’m faced with the questions I didn’t want to answer earlier this month when I was making out my goals list.

Now what do I do?

I can’t go any farther with the manuscript on my own, that’s for sure. I’m not going to see any other changes that need to be done (though it’s possible that I could find grammar errors that I missed). I don’t have a regular beta reader and of the few friends that I’ve used in that role, I’ve never had them read a full-length novel manuscript before. I’m not sure I can impose on their time like that.

But even if I do eventually have this thing go through beta or ultimately decide not to, then what? What do I want to do with it? Do I want to try to use it to land an agent? Do I want to try to get it published with a traditional publisher? Do I want to self-publish it? Or do I want to just shelve it, chalk it up to learning since first novel manuscripts don’t usually sell anyway, and then move on to to something else?

I’ve asked all of these questions before, probably on this blog, but now they’re not hypothetical. They’re not in the future. They’re really here, in front of me, waiting to be answered.

And I don’t have the answers right now.

I think, right now, at least for a little while, it’s going in a metaphorical drawer. I’m just going to enjoy the doneness for a bit, the sense of accomplishment that I actually saw a novel manuscript through to the end. Put off the questions for a little while longer.

Maybe in that time, when the glamour wears off and I start feeling the weight of that finished beast sitting on my hard drive, I’ll come up with the answers.

Or maybe at least find a beta reader that I don’t mind punishing.

“Are You Really Writing Books?”

June 24, 2013January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

A friend of mine posted that on a link to my Amazon Author’s Page that I posted on Facebook, my meager attempt to try to drum up a little business.

People who frequent my blog on Wednesdays or happen to catch the appropriate Tweet on my Twitter feed might think this is a stupid question. But, actually, it’s valid.

Yes, I am writing books. I’m also writing short stories and novellas and blog posts and journal entries and non-fiction blobs and episode summaries of a TV show that doesn’t exist. Some of these will be published by a real publisher, some will be self-published, and some will never see the light of day. It’s a thing that’s happening whether I talk about it or not. Like my exercise routine or specific food intake. Even if I don’t feel compelled to tell people about it, it’s still happening.

Now, I talk a bit about my writing on the Internet, specifically on Wednesdays. I mention it on occasion on my Twitter. I post about my stories getting accepted and rejected and my self-publishing ventures in between. But I don’t talk about these things much off the ‘net.

Why?

Well, because.

Because I don’t want to answer all of the questions that inevitably come up after I mention that I’m a writer. “What do you write?” is always the lead-off and then it goes from there, down the rabbit hole of awkwardness because, see, I don’t make a living off of my writing (yet) and I’m not at all a best-seller (yet) and I’m definitely not famous (I’m cool with that). You’re not going to find my stuff on the shelves (yet). And the conversation sort of fizzles and dies because, well, how can I possibly be a REAL writer if I’m not making a living off of it?

The lead-off question has another pitfall. I answer that question honestly by saying, “Horror fiction mostly”, which leads people to say, “Oh, like Stephen King?”

I adore Stephen King. We all know that. But the answer is no, not like Stephen King. Stephen King is an educated, literate, well-read man who can craft eloquent sentences and amazing imagery despite his sometimes gruesome subject matter.

I, on the other hand, am a three-time college dropout, who doesn’t read anything she’s supposed to and definitely not as much as she’s supposed to, and only by virtue of chance can string together a few words to form coherent sentences that sometimes illustrate her bizarre and sometimes horrific imagination.

I am nothing like Stephen King and neither is what I write. Our genre is the only thing that connects us.

The other reason I don’t talk about my writing is simply because I get the feeling no one is interested. It’s not like a regular job. It’s hard for other people to relate to what I do. And since I don’t like to talk much about works-in-progress, the conversation is pretty short if steered in that direction. As for talking about the works I’ve done, well, horror isn’t everybody’s bag. It isn’t most people’s bag. And if they don’t like to read it, then they don’t like to talk about it.

I guess I’ve become accustomed to not discussing my writing life outside of the Internet. Which is a problem when it comes to me trying to get people to read my work, but the funny thing is, I don’t look past the Internet for readers either. In fact, when it comes to my writing life, it only seems to exist online.

Maybe I should consider branching out.

Writing–Format This

June 19, 2013January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

In my quest to accomplish my goals for this month, I need to publish Gone Missing and Night of the Nothing Man on Amazon.

My biggest obstacle to this is formatting the stories to be published on Amazon.

It’s my least favorite chore when it comes to self-publishing. I can do it, but I don’t like to do it. The act of following the directions so I can properly format my manuscript awakens some sort of perfectionist Kraken in me that makes my life difficult. I’m not saying that I shouldn’t strive to do my best; but that bit of perfectionist in me denies that I’m capable of anything close to best. So when the Perfection-Kraken comes out, the task becomes about six times harder than it needs to be.

And then there’s that tendency I have from childhood that demands I get everything right the first time. I need to be able to know it and do it immediately. The fact that I’ve done this before (even if it was a few years ago) amps up that demand. I shouldn’t have any trouble with this because I’ve done it before and once was enough. For whatever reason, this line of thinking also leads me to believe that there are no do-overs. That it is essential that I get it right the first time because I won’t be allowed to fix anything, which isn’t true.

Finally, there’s my paranoia that if I do mess something up, I won’t be able to fix it and it will break the delicate balance of the Universe and the blood rain will be all my fault.

Okay, what I’m getting at is that just knowing that I have to format a manuscript for self-publishing sets my anxiety choo-choo in motion, pulling cars and cars full of procrastination.

It’s only until I make myself do it that the anxiety abates and by the time I’m finished, I’m kicking myself for not getting to work on it sooner.

It was worse this time around because all I had to do was some minor changes and do a little battle with Night of the Nothing Man‘s table of contents. All told it took me about an hour, maybe an hour and half to get both of them done and uploaded.

Yep. Two weeks of anxiety and procrastination for less than two hours work.

At least they’re done now.

Gone Missing

Night of the Nothing Man

Writing–I’ll Get It Right Eventually

June 12, 2013January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I first got the idea for “The Backroom” about six years ago (has it been that long?). When I started writing the story, though, it ended up being something different. After a couple of rounds of revisions I re-titled it “Customer Service” and ended up self-publishing it in Rejected.

But the original idea, one that never really made it down on paper, stayed with me. For my latest self-published anthology project (should it come to be), I decided to give it another go.

I wrote the first draft and typed it up. It was closer to my original idea than “Customer Service” ever was, but it still wasn’t there yet.

And so, I’m re-writing it. This time, I’m going to nail it. I swear. Really. It’s going to happen.

That happens sometimes. The transition from idea to written word doesn’t always go the way I think it will. Sometimes it works out in my favor and I end up with something better than my original idea. And sometimes it works out like “The Backroom”. “Customer Service” isn’t better than my original plan, just different. It doesn’t satisfy the thought bubble surrounding this story that’s floating around in my head.

This newest version of “The Backroom” idea is going to be the closest I’ve come to getting what’s in my head down on paper. It’s not exactly the way I want to do it, but it will satisfy the idea itch that I’ve been carrying around for years. It will likely be re-written again, if not heavily revised.

But that’s the goal, isn’t it?

Eventually, I’m going to get this story right.

Writing–June Projects

June 5, 2013January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I actually have things and stuff to do this month!

First of all, I’m going to publish both Gone Missing and Night of the Nothing Man on Amazon. I kind of hoped that Smashwords would be enough, but it’s not. They need a little more exposure. I want people to read my poor, little novellas, dammit.

Speaking of self-publishing, I’ve got the first draft of four short stories done for my possible new anthology, so I’m going to start revising them. I still need one more story to finish out the collection to fit with the idea I have, but I’m not going to push that. It’s a late year thing, if it happens, so I’ve got plenty of time to come up with a final story.

After leaving it along for about a month, I’m going to start polishing The World (Saving) Series. One of my writing goals for the year was to have this thing achieve a state of doneness and if I can get it to happen in the next couple of months, that’d be swell. What happens after that is a completely different goal.

And I’ve always got my sooper sekrit projects to keep me busy and make me feel like I’ve got so many pressing things to accomplish if my ego needs a boost and I need to fill some time.

June won’t be dull.

Writing–Rereading the Written

May 29, 2013January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I’ve got several manuscripts that I’ve written that have been hanging out, waiting for me to get back to them. Some of them are just first drafts; others have had one or two rounds of heavy-lifting revision done to them. All of them were put to the side so I could focus on something else.

Since I didn’t have much going this month, I decided to read them all to see what I had and get reacquainted with them.

It was interesting to see where I was as a writer a few years ago. I can pretty much tell what was going on in my life just by reading the manuscript. It’s fascinating. Nobody else would be able to pick anything up, but I guess because I wrote it and lived it, I know exactly where I was.

Looking at the pieces in a more professional, critical light, I’m happy to say that all of them are workable to an extent. I could make them all into something that you wouldn’t gouge your eyes out while reading. Which is reassuring in a sense. There will always be work waiting for me because I’ve got four manuscripts in various states just waiting to be finished.

And it won’t be a waste to work on them since there’s something worth working on there.

I admit to liking some more than others. Spirited in Spite and A Tale of Two Lady Killers have gone through a couple of heavy-lifting revisions and their stories are pretty good. Fun, quick little things that won’t require too much more lifting to finish.

The untitled Ivy novel should probably be revised down to a novella because I padded that thing pretty hard. The other POVs can go (though I might save Leo’s and rewrite it as a short story). Sticking to solely Ivy and shortening it up will do the story wonders. I might also end up changing the location. We’ll see.

American Vampires, I don’t care for. It’s only a first draft, a NaNoWriMo draft at that, so it needs A LOT of work. And I know what I was trying to do with the original attempt at a story, but I missed the mark. Of all the pieces, I like this one least and it will take the most work. Somehow, though, I think it might be worth the effort. Eventually. I’m in no rush to get back to it.

When I’m done with The World (Saving) Series, it looks like I’m all set for the next revision project. I’ve got plenty to choose from.

Writing–What ARE You?

May 22, 2013January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I’ve been working on a non-fiction project since the first of the year (Sooper Sekrit Project #1). I wrote the bits and pieces of it in a notebook and nearly filled the thing up before I called it done enough to type up what I had.

So I typed up what I had.

And then I added more to the notebook, but I haven’t typed any of that up because what I’ve added isn’t done yet.

And then I jotted down some other ideas for it, but haven’t expanded on them yet.

And then I thought even more about the project.

And the only thing I can honestly say is that I have no idea what it’s going to be.

All of the bits and pieces and ideas and words and sentences and paragraphs and pages put together just add up to a mishmash of something with no real center or direction. I think it’s all good and useable and it all relates to each other, but it doesn’t exactly all go together, you know what I mean? It just doesn’t know what it wants to be.

I keep feeding it. It keeps growing. But it’s not assuming any kind of shape.

I think it might be the Blob.

I hope I can figure it out before I have to freeze it and drop it in Antarctica.

Writing–Getting Through It To Get To the Next

May 15, 2013January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ 1 Comment

I started writing a short story for my possible short story anthology. The idea came from my idea notebook and it seemed like a pretty good idea.

Until I started writing it.

Once I put down the first couple of sentences, I knew this story was a straight-up dud.

But I kept working on it until I found an ending. It came in at less than 1,000 words, but I was still able to call it done and that’s all that mattered to me.

I guess it sounds like a waste of time to finish a story that I know isn’t worth the ink I used writing it, but that’s just how I am. I’m a bit of a pack-rat. I don’t like to throw things away because I never know when I’ll need them. The same can be said of stories. Even if I have no faith in it while writing it, even if I know from the start that it’s a dud, I’ll go ahead and see it through, just in case. For all I know, I might be able to do something with it later. I might come along the spark that it’s missing. Well, if I come along that spark, but I don’t have a story to go with it, what kind of a waste is that?

So, I finish those stories that end up getting typed up and put away, just in case.

It’s not really wasted time for me. It’s a good exercise in perseverance in a way. I stuck with it until the bitter end and now I have something -something horribly crappy, usually- finished. It’s a test of how motivated I am as a writer. Can I finish this piece of garbage before I move on to work on something I really want to write? Something that usually pops into my head while I’m slaving away on the current piece of dreck haunting my life.

In the beginning, I would have just ditched it. I ditched a lot of things when I was younger because I wasn’t a writer then. Well, I wouldn’t call myself one. I’ve always been a writer, but before I admitted to myself and the world that I was a writer, things got left unfinished.

That doesn’t happen anymore.

Now I finish one thing just so I can move on to the next.

That’s what writers do.

Well, at least this one does.