Month: September 2012

Writing–The Story of Four Stories

~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

English: view of Citroën Ami6 Headlight. The f...

I’ve got four short stories in various stages of revisions right now: “Whistle While You Work”, “Aftermath”, “Just Visiting”, and “Lady on the Stairs”. They were all written about the same time, but in pairs (“Whistle” and “Aftermath” together; “Visiting” and “Lady” together). They’re different stories, but it’s just interesting to see how different they are in terms of writing/revising them.

Of the four, “Lady” needs the most work. I was sure what it was when I started writing it, but when I got to the end, I figured it out. It’s going to take a few rewrites to get the tone just right and make sure I get across what I’m trying to say.

I knew what “Visiting” was when I started writing it, but it’s taken quite a bit of tweaking to get the right mood, more than I anticipated.

I knew, but I didn’t know what “Whistle” was about. I had the scene in my head, but I didn’t know the why of the whole thing until the very end. It started off pretty straight forward and then my brain gave me the twist. It was kind of like “Lady”, except I had a much better handle on what was going on when I started the story.

“Aftermath” is basically done. The story came out as it should be. It just needs a little tweaking.

People who aren’t writers often think that writing short stories is like working an assembly line. You’re doing basically the same thing every time. The process is the same. So therefore, the idea that one story might be easier or more difficult than another is baffling. You’re doing the same thing? Why is it so hard this time when it was so easy the last time? Or vice versa.

Sure, the process is the same. But every story is it’s own beast. Going back to the assembly line comparison, it would be like I’m putting on the headlights, but every car that comes down the line is different. So even though I’m doing the same job, it doesn’t get done exactly the same way because I’m dealing with a different vehicle ever time.

While I’m following the same basic writing process (first draft, rewrites, revisions, polishing), different stories require different amounts of each step.

Non-writers aren’t the only ones that need to be aware of this, though.

I need to remember that, too.

Freelancing Through Life

~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment
Business card origami (and kirigami)
Business card origami (and kirigami) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There’s been a lot of talk of jobs in my little part of the world lately and I was trying to think of how to explain my current job situation.

I say I’ve got three jobs right now. I teach basic Spanish to my homeschooled nieces three days a week. I get the neighbor boy up and ready and take him to school two/three days a week. And I work floorset a couple times a month at a clothing store at the mall.

However, if you count writing (which, in my head, I always do because it’s my constant, full-time job even if to doesn’t pay for shit most of the time), I’ve got four. And if you count jewelry making, I’ve got five. And if you count…

Of course, there are people that look at that and say I only have one job because I only work for one “real” employer. The rest is just garbage, under the table work that doesn’t count. Which is fine, but I respectfully disagree because I think anything I do to make money is a job.

But it’s getting rather crowded trying to explain my jobs.

So I’ve decided to just to say I’m a writer freelancing through life. And if anyone presses, I can fill them in on the jobs that I’m working on at that time. Since not many people would ask for clarification, it would save so much time.

What does that mean exactly?

I’m a writer. First and foremost. But I’m not in the position to support myself solely through writing (yet), so I have to have a day job. But since I technically have three day jobs right now, two of which are subject to change at any given moment (meaning the second my services are no longer required, I get the boot), and I’ve been making and selling jewelry and doing various other things to earn money to pay my bills, well, let’s face it…I’m a freelancer. A freelance writer takes on assignments and jobs. Well, that’s pretty much what I’m doing, just not with writing. I’m using my other skills to take on jobs.

I’d call it prostitution, but I feel like that would project the wrong image and get too many hopes up.

In the end, it doesn’t change the mind of the people that think I’m lazy and worthless because I don’t have a “real” job, but it does make it easier for me to explain how I make a living.

I’ll stop short of putting it on a business card, though. Writer will do just fine for that.

Recipe: Breakfast Burrito

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I came up with this while housesitting at my aunt’s. I pretty much only ate hamburger for dinner every night that week because it was the easiest thing to fix in a kitchen I wasn’t used to and to avoid dragging out the grill. After putting scrambled eggs on a burger one night, I decided to cut to the chase and put the scrambled eggs IN the meat. I added some cheese and spices, slapped it on a tortilla, added some sour cream and salsa and called it dinner.

INGREDIENTS

-Ground beef

-Eggs

-Shredded cheese

-Tortillas

-Salt, Pepper, Chili Powder

-Salsa

-Sour Cream

DIRECTIONS

Brown ground beef in a skillet. Season it with salt, pepper, and chili powder. Beat eggs, add salt, pepper, and chili powder. Turn down the heat and add the eggs to the ground beef. Toss until eggs are scrambled and nearly done. Add shredded cheese. Toss until cheese is melted.

Put a helping of meat mixture on a tortilla. Top with sour cream and salsa. Roll into a burrito.

Okay, yes, I left out a lot of specifics in this recipe. That’s because it’s so easy to adjust. On my own, I used a handful of ground beef (about what you’d use to make a large hamburger patty) and a couple of eggs. That was good for two very full burritos. Cooking for three fat people, I use about a pound and a half of ground beef and six eggs. The cheese, spices, salsa, and sour cream can all be adjusted to taste.

It’s a great base recipe to jazz up. You can add onions, peppers, hash browns, mushrooms, whatever.

I will offer this warning, though. It’s a rather heavy meal. A little goes a long way. I’m usually stuffed after two smallish burritos.

Writing–Oh, Those Characters!

~ Kiki Writes ~ 1 Comment

SQC character

I’ve got two characters bouncing around in my brain right now. Lucy and Jamie. Lucy is Jamie’s biological mother. Lucy, being a 16 year old prostitute at the time, gave up Jamie for adoption and has only recently reconnected with her daughter. Jamie holds no bitterness or judgement towards Lucy for giving her up and is in actuality grateful for it. She had a good upbringing with her adoptive parents and it spared her from being named either Lacy or Crystal.

There’s no denying that Lucy and Jamie are related; their physical resemblance is striking. Lucy is reasonably sure who Jamie’s father is (a very nice young reverend who requested no birth control because it violated his religion) and says she sees a little bit of him in Jamie, but Jamie can’t see any resemblances anywhere. Lucy is more emotional, more bubbly, more optimistic. Jamie is more objective, more cynical, more realistic. Together, they’re a riot.

At least in my head.

As much as I like them both and as great as I think they are, I don’t have a story for them. I don’t know what their story is.

That happens quite a bit to me. Good characters walk into my head, but they don’t bring a story with them. I want to use them, so I try to find them one. It’s not always successful.

For example, I have two characters named Verity and Merit Breslin. They’re brother and sister. They’re loud, outspoken, smartasses and they crack me up with their craziness. So far they’ve been featured as secondary characters in not one, but two failed projects. The projects ended up abandoned, but I couldn’t leave those two behind. I may have another idea for them, but I haven’t done anything with it yet, so I can’t say anything for sure. I would imagine if it doesn’t work out, I’ll find something else for them.

I like them too well to let them go.

The same thing happened with another group of siblings I came up with, the Heller kids. Zeb, Zeke, Pru, Arlie, and Lev were originally created for a throwaway NaNo project I did one year. It wasn’t meant to be anything more than an experiment with outlining to see if I could finally get a NaNo win (it worked). The story was garbage, but I really got attached to those siblings. They ended up in a failed project (with Verity and Merit, no less) before landing in something solid (they’re now “hunters” in the Outskirts Universe).

I’ve got a thing for good characters. I always have. Even as a kid, my mother used to say that I only wrote so I could name people. That’s kind of true. I liked talking about the people in my head (I liked naming them, too; I’ve got a thing for names, but that’s another post). I still like talking about the people in my head, only now I want the story I tell about them to be worthwhile.

If characters drive a story, then I’d like to give them a nice one to vroom around in.

Until then, I’m going to keep listening to them jabber on in my head, getting to know them a little better.

“I’m judging you all. Harshly.”

~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

Gavel & Stryker

I posted that on my Facebook the other day. This was after just about everyone had to run  their mouths about the sad events in Libya. And it was true. I was judging everyone harshly. And I posted it because it was just easier to get right to the point rather than try to construct a witty few sentences that inoffensively said the same thing. I didn’t want that point to be missed.

I am judging you all harshly. I do it every day. I judge your decisions. I judge your morals. I judge your actions. I judge your words. I judge your clothing choices. I judge everything about you. Harshly.

Now, here’s the twist.

When most people think about judging other people or other people judging them, they tend to think about it terms of good and bad. People are judging you to be good or bad. You’re a good person or a bad person. You’re a success or a failure. You’re right or wrong.

When most people think about judging other people or other people judging them, they also tend to judge in relation to themselves. Is this person better or worse than me?

When I judge people…I just judge people.

I don’t think much in terms of good or bad. Are you someone I want to know or not? That’s basically what it boils down to. I’ve known some totally worthless people in my time. Drunk. Never had a pot to piss in. Constantly fucking up in life. But I liked them. They were funny, caring, interesting people. I wouldn’t ask them to do anything for me, wouldn’t trust them to take a dollar and not spend it on booze, but they were all right.

And then there are those with the spit and polished life of perfection that have the successful career and the college education and the spouse and the children and the church commitments and the everything and I wouldn’t want to spend one minute with them.

No one is exempt from this. I judge EVERYONE. Constantly. Harshly. Family, friends, former classmates, Twitter followers, strangers, whatever. Everybody gets run through the judgmental filter in my brain. Repeatedly.

For me, this constant judgement keeps me conscious of who people are. It’s more of an objective thing in the sense that my opinion of a person only changes in the sense of “do I want to be around this person” rather than “this is a good/bad person”. I can’t judge that. I’m a horrible person when you boil it all down. Far be it from me to make that call.

But I can make the call on how much you get on my nerves. How pleasant do I find you right now? What are you saying? What are you doing? How are you affecting me whether you know it or not?

That’s really why I’m so judgmental. I’m selfish. We’ve already established that in previous blog posts. It’s all about me. How are you affecting me? How is your behavior and your words affecting me? I don’t care what anyone else thinks of you. It’s all about me.

There was a guy I went to school with that everyone liked. He was funny, a good Christian, nice guy, all around good person. Except he didn’t like cats. He didn’t just not like cats. He HATED cats. He once wished that a cat would get killed on the freeway.

He recently passed away very unexpectedly. Many people were eulogizing him on Facebook, talking about what a great guy he was and while I paid my respects as is proper, I don’t think he was that great of a guy. He wished death on an animal because he didn’t like it. That speaks so loudly to me it practically screams. I can’t think of someone as a “good person” when they do stuff like that.

I judged him harshly. I’m still judging him harshly and he’s dead. Anytime someone brings him up all I can think is, “but he once wished death on a cat”.

I’m sure there are going to be a few of my classmates that read this post and take exception to this and no doubt want to tell me that I’m a horrible person. And that’s fine. That’s been established. But, I would like to point out that at no point did I say that I’m happy he’s dead. I’m not. I reserve that sort of thing for a very select group of people and he was most definitely not in that group. What I am saying is that one comment from him, whether he meant it or not (and if he didn’t mean it that doesn’t make him look any better in my eyes),  influenced how I judged him from that point on.

That’s just one example. This has happened dozens of times with dozens of people. I judge you on your past and your present. I judge and I judge and I judge.

In fact, I’m judging you right now.

Harshly.

A Hat Obsession

~ Kiki Writes ~ 2 Comments

The picture on the left is an old picture of my hat collection. The picture is only a year and a half old, but very out of date because I’ve added two or three (or four) more hats since it was taken.

It’s also not a picture of ALL of my hats because none of my stocking caps are represented and I have three or four (or five) of those.

I love hats. I don’t know why. I don’t know when it started. But I collect hats like most women go after shoes. I prefer ballcaps, but I like fedoras, cowboy hats, cabby hats, stocking hats, stupid hats, any hats. I’ve even got a sombrero.

I look good in hats, too. Nothing humble about that brag, either. It’s a fact.

The thing is I don’t wear hats very often. I wear ballcaps to ballgames, but other than that, it doesn’t happen very often. Coco Chanel said that before you leave the house you should take off one accessory. That accessory for me is usually a hat.

That doesn’t stop me from buying them, though.

I want to be prepared in the event that a hat is needed.

Writing–The Reading Malaise

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Books

I’m not a steady reader. I read in bursts. One month I might read four, five, six books. The next month the only thing I’ll read are online articles and my writing magazines. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. It’s just the way I roll.

I’m in one of those reading funks right now.

I have books. In fact, I just got a bunch from my mother because she’s cleaning out her bookcases (Mom does not reread anything, so after a while, she starts giving books away to make room for new ones). But nothing sounds good. It’s like going to the refrigerator and repeatedly opening the door and looking inside. You’re hungry, you know you’re hungry, but you don’t know what you want.

That’s exactly how I’m feeling right now, but with books.

Last night I had some extra time and I thought I should read something. I started looking around. I looked at the books I brought home from Mom’s. I looked through Papa’s books on my Kindle. I started rereading a book just for the sake of reading, but I wasn’t into it.

I want to read, but I don’t know what I want to read.

It’s frustrating. Reading isn’t only part of my job, but I also read because I enjoy it. And when I feel like this my enjoyment is kicked right in the sensitive parts. It’s not fair.

But like that nagging hunger feeling, I’ll eventually placate myself by reading something. It might not necessarily be what I’m craving, but since I don’t KNOW what I’m craving, it’ll be good enough.

At the very least it will help ease this malaise and give my brain a bit of a shake. By the time I’m done, there’s a good chance I’ll have an idea of what I want to read next.

Then I’ll be cured.

Until the next time.

Observations on a Tiff

~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment
It’s like an aggressive Where’s Waldo picture.

When the Cubs and Nationals “brawled” last week many fans immediately got on their high horses to give their opinions on the whole thing. And that’s fine. I, on the other hand, tried to get down as close as I could to the action so I could see what was going on.

Baseball fights fascinate me. Most of the time it looks like a typical “guy fight” (some pushing, some shoving, a few crappy punches maybe, and a whole lot of yow-yowin’). The cause doesn’t interest me as much as who does what during the confrontation. Who’s first out of the dugout? Who leads the charge from the bullpen? Who’s playing peacekeeper? Who’s looking for a piece of the action.

I must have watched this tiff forty times (and paused 140 times) to get an idea of what was going on. And since this bruhaha had two bench clearings and three separate altercations, there was a lot to see.

Round One:

-The Cubs in the dugout really weren’t paying much attention to Jamie Quirk yelling at Bo Porter.

-When Bo Porter stopped at the top of the dugout stairs, the first guys to Dale Sveum’s side were Tony Campana, Luis Valbuena, Wellington Castillo, and Jeff Samardzija.

-James Russell led the charge from the bullpen.

-Darwin Barney and Starlin Castro strolled over to the confrontation. Alfonso Soriano and Brett Jackson hustled.

-Jeff Beliveau peeking over the bullpen fence at the fuss cracks me up every time I see it.

Round Two:

-Joe Mather, Campana, Travis Wood, Dave Sappelt, Samardzija, and Anthony Recker were first out of the dugout after Lendy Castillo went inside on Bryce Harper.

-Russell again led the charge from the bullpen. Carlos Marmol and Manny Corpas were laughing and nudging each other as they ran in. Franklin Font runs pretty damn fast while wearing shin guards.

-Even Lester Strode ran in! (PS. I love Lester.)

Round Three:

-Corpas was part of the reason round three started. Anthony Rizzo tried to play peacemaker.

-Russell, Samardzija, Recker, and Blake Parker were right on the front line.

-Barney kind of got sucked into the crowd at one point, but they spit him out unharmed. Same thing happened to Rizzo.

-Some guys moved to the back of the crowd, some guys couldn’t get close enough. Chris Volstad, Campana, and Wood were three looking to get in on it. Travis Wood looked like this wasn’t his first rodeo. (I’m sure he and his mullet have seen many bar brawls.) (That was a joke.)

-Bryan LaHair was one of the peacekeepers.

-A Nats player had a hold of the front of Samardzija’s jersey and was swinging from it like a monkey when everyone was doing their share of shoving and I’m not sure Shark noticed.

-Some how Kurt Suzuki managed to keep a towel around his neck the whole time despite being in the thick of things at one point. (I wasn’t going to keep this strictly Cubs, but that really impressed me.)

-Dale Sveum and Dave McKay looked pretty calm throughout the whole thing. Pat Listach must have rowdy kids. He looked like a dad breaking things up. James Rowson was right in the thick of things, pulling guys apart and separating them.

-Many of the guys had a look of “WTF?” on their faces. Those guys were more to the back of the most pit. Several players (David DeJesus was one) didn’t seem to get too excited.

I was kind of impressed with the way the Cubs came together. Everyone answered the fight bell (okay, the second time Soriano jogged in, but he really needs to preserve his wheels) and while tempers flared, there were enough cooler heads to keep things from getting too out of hand. Everybody seemed to feel the need to protect his teammates. Nobody was left to hang. I appreciate that.

Yes, I realize this is unpopular opinion. But then, isn’t every opinion I have about baseball/the Cubs unpopular?

Yeah. Put away your surprise face.

Tales of Money-less Woes

~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

International Money Pile in Cash and Coins

I’m having trouble making my ends meet this month. It’s not a good feeling. It’s not something I’m proud of. But it is a fact of my current existence.

There are two very good reasons why I’m having trouble this month. One, this bill period saw 3 1/2 extra bills (car sticker renewal, website renewal, a domain fee for a domain I thought I’d completely deleted but apparently I didn’t and of course that sort of thing isn’t refunded, and a little extra added onto my cell bill because I had to change plans mid-billing cycle). Two, I’ve only started one of my three new day jobs.

Had I not had one or two of the extra bills, I would have been fine. Had I started one or both of my other day jobs, I would have been fine. The combination of the two has me scrambling. If I had a couch, I’d be raiding the cushions for change.

It doesn’t help that sales have been slow the past couple of months. Books sales, jewelry sales, eBay sales, nobody is spending their money on the stuff I’m hocking. That money would have been both welcome and necessary.

Here’s the thing…I know I’ll land on my feet. The bills will get paid. They always do. I’ll find a way. I’m clever and resourceful and I know I’ll find the money I’m missing. Maybe I’ll borrow it. Maybe someone will come through in the clutch and buy something. Maybe I’ll luck out and get a quick odd job. Whatever happens, the bills will get paid.

When I was 22, this was a challenge. I didn’t like it back then, but back then I was 22. I was young. Now I’m 32. I shouldn’t be running into these problems at 32. I shouldn’t be scrounging to pay bills or borrowing money. I should be in a much better place financially and I’m not.

There are a lot of reasons why I’m not and I take responsibility for all of them that are mine. Not holding a regular 9-5 job like other grown-ups is one. My life would be so much easier if I could just be normal and work a 40 hour a week job and get that steady paycheck. But the older I get, the worse I get about submitting to that life. A flexible part-time gig is more my speed. As soon as I get all three of  my jobs going, my bills will be paid and I won’t be working more than twenty hours a week.

Being very optimistic about selling myself is another reason I’m broke. I have this stupid idea in my head that people want what I sell. That friends and family know people that want what I sell and will pass my info to those people. The reality is that those people are probably out there, but they aren’t getting word about me. And if they are, they don’t have the money to indulge themselves with my goods. My inherent awkwardness about promoting myself doesn’t help this cause.

I could go on, but I won’t. Nobody needs to see my list of money failures.

And that’s what this is. The culmination of many failures. We’ve already discussed how much of my self-esteem is tied to my bank account. Being called an ugly fat cow can’t even come close to doing the damage to my ego that borrowing money can.

Particularly now. I’m too old for this. I shouldn’t be here. Yet here I am.

With no one to blame but myself.

I’ll get through this month. I’ll get rolling on all of my jobs. I’ll sell a few more things. My bills will return to normal.

And slowly but surely I’ll find some self-worth once again.

Pictures: My Last CornBelters Game of 2012

~ Kiki Writes ~ 2 Comments

My last game was actually July 21st, but I didn’t realize it was going to be my last game of the season. I also didn’t realize until this week that I never posted the pictures I took from that game. How could I deprive you of that?

First pitch: Normal CornBelters vs. London Rippers
The Rippers uniforms look a lot like track suits.
Swing as they might…
…the Belters just couldn’t score.
Game worn jersey auction for the Special Olympics. The jerseys came straight off the guys’ backs.

The season wasn’t the greatest and I would have rather my last game of the season not be a blowout loss, but it I’m still going to miss sad to the see the season end.

And I can’t wait for next year.