Writing–Full Stop

August 28, 2013January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

This hiccup with my planned anthology, along with one of my stories getting cancelled, has brought me to a full stop.

It’s a simple case of writer’s doubt I know, but I’ve taken a good hit to the ego and I need some recovery time.

It’s not like the time I didn’t write for two weeks, though. It’s not that I’m not writing at all. I’m still writing blog posts and writing in my journal and sketching out some story ideas and the like, but all work on my short stories has completely stopped, even the ones that had nothing to do with the anthology. I just don’t want to look at them. I don’t know what to do with them. I don’t want to start a new one. Bleh bleh bleh.

So I shot myself in the foot this month. What I want to get accomplished isn’t going to be accomplished because I ran smack dab into this brick wall and I’m doing a fair bit of whining and moping instead of problem-solving to get by it.

The thing is, though, I’m letting myself do it. I have a right to wallow a bit. The wallowing isn’t stopping me from working on OTHER things. In fact, I’m directing a bit of that wallowing towards other projects because it let’s me feel like I’m not a complete failure and I’m not being totally useless.

But I don’t see any reason why I should deny myself the opportunity to experience this disappointment. How else will I learn? How else will I get stronger? How else will I figure out how to cope and how to recover and how to overcome?

So maybe full stop isn’t the best way to describe this since only one thing has really stopped (temporarily).

Everything else is still plugging away.

Writing–Cancelling “Someone To Hold”

August 21, 2013January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

For the second time in my writing career, I’ve had a story cancelled on me.

“Someone to Hold” was accepted earlier this year for publication in a magazine. Last week I received notice that they were putting all of their magazines on hold and therefore, my story would not be published. They said they’d get back to me when their magazines go back into production and if the story is still available, they’ll take it again.

So, the question before me now is what should I do with this story?

I could hold onto it and hope they contact me again so I get that guaranteed magazine space and that guaranteed money.

Or, I could submit it somewhere else if I come across a place that would be a good fit.

Or, I could use it in the wrecked anthology that I blogged about earlier this week if I need it.

I guess it all depends on what would best serve the story. Leaving it to sit on my hard drive is not doing it any justice, so the idea of saving it for something that might not happen makes me a little nervous. I’d hate for this story to be wasted like that.

On the other hand, my track record for self-publishing isn’t exactly great. If I put this story in my anthology and publish it that way, there’s a good chance that it won’t get read anyway. However, it will be possible to read it. That’s not true if it’s hanging out, waiting to be submitted somewhere.

Speaking of, it’s possible that if I do come across some place to submit the story and it gets accepted, there’s going to be this nagging worry that I might be short changing myself by settling for another magazine/anthology when I should have just waited.

It’s amazing the knots I can tie myself into over things like this.

The one bright spot in this is that I have time. There’s no hurry to make a decision.

It’ll be a while before they get back to me about their magazines going back into production. It’s going to be longer than expected for me to get this anthology un-wrecked. I’m not actively searching for publications. This is not a pressing matter.

But it’s one that’s going to be lurking in the back of my mind.

Writing–So About That Anthology

August 19, 2013January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I’ve discussed that I planned to do another short story anthology this year and I brashly said that I could have it pretty much done by the end of this month.

Well, I did a great job of jinxing myself.

In doing revisions on my short stories for the anthology, a few things ended up occurring.

1. Two of the stories aren’t working out. “Devil Temper” and “The Backroom” just aren’t coming together the way I want them to and I’m not sure yet how to fix them. This means there’s a very good chance that they will not be done by the end of the month. It also means that they might not work out at all or, if they do work out, might no longer work for the anthology. See my next number.

2. “The Nights Get Shorter” has turned out to be a good little ditty, which I’m pleased with, but isn’t going to fit the tone of the anthology, which is a bummer.

3. “Mind the Deer” did work and will be used. Thank goodness I didn’t jinx EVERYTHING.

So this means I went from having my anthology idea worked out and all of the spaces filled to needing three stories if I can’t get “Devil Temper” and “The Backroom” to do my bidding and/or they no longer work for the anthology.

This is what I get for being too cocky and thinking that this month was going to be a breeze. Instead, I’m looking at a big ol’ setback and the goals I had for the month might not get accomplished.

Let this be a lesson, kids. Don’t be arrogant with your work. It’ll kick you in the ass.

Writing–Is This Worth Writing?

August 14, 2013January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I’ve got two potential ideas for this year’s NaNoWriMo. I’m actually delighted that I’m getting any ideas so early considering the last couple of years I’ve waited until the last minute before coming up with something. I’ve also got an idea for a new novella (unless it decides to keep growing). I’m rather excited by the sudden influx of creativity I’ve got going on here.

However, I’m faced with the usual problem whenever I get any idea: is this worth writing?

I admit that I get a lot of ideas, notions, scraps of inspiration, and those end up getting jotted down in my idea notebook because most of the time, as good as they seem, there’s not much to them. At least not yet. So I save them for later.

There are times, like recently, that the ideas I get are so strong that they won’t leave my head and I find myself having a whole lot to jot down in my notebook. I keep coming back to those ideas because there’s something there that arouses my interest and keeps me wondering how it could all work out.

Those ideas, the ones that seem to have so much promise, are the ones that I judge the harshest. And I’m not always a very good judge. Sometimes I get caught up in the excitement and I start writing an idea that maybe isn’t ready to be written, or shouldn’t be written at all. After a few days, maybe a week, I realize it. The whole thing grinds to a halt and I’m left disappointed.

It happened recently. I had this great idea and I started to sketch it out. And while I was still sketching it, I decided that it wouldn’t hurt to start writing the beginning of it. Sure enough, had I put in the due diligence of sketching, I might have realized that my enthusiasm would be short-lived and the idea would have been better left to settle in the sketch stage instead of being rushed into production.

That’s the kind of dance I’m doing now with these three new ideas. I’m doing a lot of thinking and sketching. The two potential novel ideas will need some research, one more than the other. But more importantly, is there enough story there that’s worth writing? I don’t want to be caught short during NaNo. One of the novel ideas I can tell has a problem with having enough story. Right now I’ve only got one main thread and that’s not going to be enough to go the distance with if I want to do it for NaNo. The other one already has a few threads to work with the main thread, so I consider it to have a little more potential. Except the way I want to do it is different than anything I’ve ever done before and it might not be a good idea to do it that way.

The novella is healthy as a horse, as near as I can tell. The only question I’ve got with it is will I be able to write it the way that I want to and the way that I see it in my head.

But that’s another post for another day.

Writing–That Walk Away Point

August 7, 2013August 4, 2013 ~ Kiki Writes ~ 1 Comment

It really doesn’t matter what kind of writing project it is -novel, novella, short story- it seems that at some point during the revision stage I have to walk away from it. Letting the story settle after a round of revisions, putting a little distance between myself and the words helps me see what needs to be done.

However, for some stories, the walk away isn’t just part of the revision process. It’s because I’ve grown to absolutely detest the story

I mentioned last week hitting that point with the Ivy novella. It’s not a unusual breaking point for me to get to when a project is being difficult.

There comes a point when I don’t want to look at the story anymore. I don’t want to read the words. I don’t want to try to make the story better. Just thinking about the story saps my will to live and makes me question my dedication to being a writer.

The only logical way to deal with this overwhelming feeling of disgust is to walk away. I put away the disagreeable project in question and I leave it alone until I’m done hating it. Sometimes that’s a couple of weeks. Sometimes that’s a couple of months. But the distance eases my hatred and makes my heart grow fonder for the piece.

Okay, not always. Sometimes the distance allows me to just hate the piece less while I gain the important objective view of the story so I can finally finish revising it and make it worth reading.

I don’t like hating any of my stories, but it happens. And I think it might be very easy for me to just abandon the stories I despise and move on to something I love. But, I don’t. I force myself to finish them to completion because just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean that someone else won’t adore it. It’s not fair for me to give up on it just because I don’t like it. If I’ve gotten that far with it, then the story deserves to be told, whether it ever gets published or not.

And I also don’t hate stories for an eternity. Sometimes I hate them at the walk away point, but then rediscover my like/love for the story during our separation. Now, if I abandoned the story just because I didn’t like it when it was being its most difficult, that would be a total injustice.

I’m exaggerating, but only a little bit.

I usually feel guilty when I first walk away a story, but I know in the end it works out for the best.

We all need our space, you know.

Writing–August Projects

August 1, 2013July 30, 2013 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to do this month. I know one thing one thing I’m NOT going to do. The Ivy novella is going to rest this month. I’ve hit that point in the revisions where I hate everything about it and everything it stands for. I need to forget about it for a month and let my disgust cool for a bit.

I think this month I’m going to be focused on finishing the short stories for the anthology I want to do. I should find out about the one that I submitted to the contest pretty soon so I can decide if it’ll make it in the anthology. Otherwise, I’m writing one right now that could take its place. The rest need the final edits/polishing. It’s entirely possible that I could have the whole thing put together and ready to publish by September.

I also think I’m going to make this the month of the short story. I’ve got a couple that I’ve written that could be edited/polished and put up here as freebies. And since the anthology will be wiping the slate clean so to speak (one of the reasons I’m feeling the urge to do it), I’ll need to build up the inventory again.

It’s going to be another low key month.

Writing–Time to Loosen Up

July 31, 2013January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

When I first started this blog, I set up themed days and a nice schedule that insured that I would update at least three times a week and I’d always have an idea of what the blog post would be for each given day. It was a way of establishing my blog, a safety net, in a way, so I never found myself slacking.

Now that I’ve been at this for a couple of years, I’m finding the safety net a little too constricting. There are times when I can’t think of anything I’d like to write for the Monday blog post, but month’s worth of Wednesday topics. There are times when I want to post something for Friday immediately…but it’s only Tuesday. And then there’s this new idea that I think Rerun Junkie should be its own thing instead of being relegated to just Fridays.

It’s time for me to loosen up and trust that I’ll be able to blog randomly, but regularly throughout the week. I need to trust that I’ve earned the freedom to roam a little, to blog when I want to without the restriction on days.

And of course, if it doesn’t work out, if I find the ideas drying up without a designated day or if I find myself posting too infrequently, the old structure will still be standing there for me to go back to.

But I feel like I need to bust out and start something new.

Time to liven up the joint.

Writing–Like Love Letters

July 24, 2013January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

I read Stephen King’s On Writing at least once a year. It reminds me that it’s okay for me to write what I want to write and how I want to write it just so long as I’m being true to myself and the work. I need that reminder every so often, particularly during the long, barren stretches when nothing is getting accepted, published, or read.

In the book, he talks about having an “ideal reader”, someone you have in mind when you write your story. It could be anybody. It can be your wife, your husband, your best friend, your cousin, the shlub down the street that throws things at the pine trees when it rains. Anybody. The person doesn’t even have to be living. Considering their current popularity, even zombies could be ideal readers nowadays.

I’ve developed an odd take on this. I don’t really have an ideal reader exactly. At least, that’s not how I look at it. To me, my stories are my love letters to certain people. There are certain people I have in mind when I write them. When I put those stories out there, traditionally or self-published or whatever, I’m hoping that those particular people read their particular stories. I want them to read them and know that I’m thinking of them.

Love letters.

Most of the people I’m thinking of will never read what I’ve written. Many of them don’t even know I exist. But just in case they should happen to stumble upon something I’ve done…

I’ve never been good at expressing my emotions. I’m better at it when I write them down. I’m unbeaten at it when I can express myself through fiction with the relative comfort that the love letter I’m writing won’t be interpreted as such, isn’t obvious, and likely won’t even by read by the intended.

But, like I said. If they do happen to stumble upon that story I wrote just for them, I hope they read it and I hope they know it was sealed with a kiss, just for them.

I bet you didn’t realize that horror could be so mushy in a non-entrails sort of way, huh?

Writing–Nothing for The Nothing Man

July 17, 2013January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

Please let it be understood that I never figured on becoming some best-selling author through self-publishing (although I will not deny how nice that would be). However, I figured it might be a way to make a few sales and a little money and at least have something to refer to when people asked me what I write.

However, something perplexing has happened with my latest self-published novella, Night of the Nothing Man. I thought it would go the same way Gone Missing did, with a few sales from friends and/or family after it was first published and then a surprise sale here and there. Maybe the sales would be a little bit better because it was the latest hit on the parade, but still nothing unrealistic.

It turns out reality couldn’t even measure up to my realistic expectations.

I haven’t sold one copy of it. Not. One. Not even a pity sale from friends/family. It’s both baffling and perplexing.

So now I’m stuck trying to figure out what went wrong and why no one wants to read it.

It could be that it’s because I priced it at $1.99 instead of $.99. That whole dollar might make a big difference. Folks might think it’s not worth that extra buck. I think it is, but I’m not the one looking for something to read on the cheap.

It could be that no one is interested in the story. I guess a stalking/chase yarn set in the 70’s may not be very appealing to today’s high-tech crowd.

It could be that I’m not flogging it as well as I shilled the first one.

It could be that I’m working a bit of reverse psychology on folks and people interested in Nothing Man end up getting Gone Missing instead because it’s a cheaper way to try me out because instead of selling the former, I have had a few more sales of the latter.

Whatever it is, I’d like to figure it out so I can avoid the same mistakes, whatever they are, when it comes time for me to self-publish my next venture. I’d like to see progress, getting more and more readers the more I publish, not fewer.

And, no, this isn’t a cry for folks to buy Night of the Nothing Man. I’m not trying to guilt anyone. If you feel so inclined to read the story, you can get it on Amazon and Smashwords. But, please get it because you WANT to read it.

Because in the end, that’s what I really want, too.

Writing–Reading Goals Update

July 10, 2013January 22, 2016 ~ Kiki Writes ~ Leave a comment

When we last left our heroine, she was embarking on a trek to read twenty-four books, ten of them being non-fiction, one of those being a memoir, no more than eight of them being from the horror genre, and only two of them total being re-reads.

Well, here’s where our heroine is now…

She’s not being much of a heroine.

I’ve read eleven books so far. Not even half-way done. Of those eleven I’ve read, four have been non-fiction and seven have been fiction. Of the non-fiction, two have been re-reads (oops) and two have been memoirs (good job!). Of the fiction, three have been horror, three have been outside my comfort genres, none have been re-reads (yet), and two have been by folks like myself (good job!).

I fully admit to struggling with my reading this year. I don’t feel like it. Nothing sounds good. Nothing is what I want to read at the time. I’ve just been a real pain in the ass about it. And because I’ve been such a pain in the ass about it and I’ve been struggling with it, I haven’t been posting reviews of everything I’ve read. I’m thinking that I’ll just do a few more as I feel the need, and then just give a final list at the end of the year in case folks are looking for new titles. It’s not like my reviews are worth a whole lot to begin with. They were mostly just proof that I’d actually read what I said I’d read. This year you’re going to have to take my word for it.

I’ve got plenty of time to make up for what I haven’t been doing and make my goals. If I break it down, I’ve got seven more non-fiction to read (can’t count one of the re-reads), and seven more fiction (one of which can be a re-read).

It doesn’t look quite as overwhelming when I put it that way.

Except that it does.

Stupid math.