Wrecking My Happy Place

I don’t like anyone right now. Everyone is getting on my nerves, everything is getting under my skin. It’s like having a sunburn on my patience; nothing is comfortable.

I’m sure the first thing people will think (especially if they are people in possession of a penis) is that it’s hormonal. If it is, then I’m going to become even more irritated because this has pretty much been a constant state for me for the past several months.

My first thought, knowing me as I do, is that it’s depression related. The last time I was depressed, I was pretty much in a constant state of irritability. I don’t think I’m depressed. I don’t WANT to think I’m depressed. There’s no reason for me to be depressed. If anything, I should be recovering from a depression now that things are turning around in a sense, what with the regular income and all.

However, it’d be good for me to follow the guidelines my therapist set for me all those years ago to help get me out of a funk. Just to be safe.

Back then my therapist prescribed exercise, appropriate stress release, journaling, creative endeavors, and wallowing in something I really love.

Journaling and exercise are two things I’ve never stopped doing. Writing and blogging count toward creative endeavors, though if I could find a little more time, I’d do a little art. Appropriate stress relief is something I’m always going to have to work on, but I really don’t feel like I’m that stressed. That regular income has done wonders for my stress level now that I know I don’t have to worry about my bills. Any other stress I might have is just little things, fleeting things.

Wallowing in something I really love. Camping out in my happy place. You’d think that’d be the easiest on the list.

You would think.

My happy place changes over time. I’ve gone hips deep into all kinds of things because they occupied a pleasure area of my brain and gave me warm fuzzies. M*A*S*H, General Hospital, The Monkees, wrestling, sharks, tornadoes, The Three Stooges, there’s no limit to my happy place interests. Right now my happy place is baseball.

This should shock no one following me on Twitter.

Unfortunately, my happy place really isn’t that happy. Part of enjoying my happy place comes from learning everything I can and indulging in the knowledge of what I’m currently in love with. The other part is interacting with other people feeling the love.

It’s the other people that are spoiling my good time.

They keep coming in my playground and kicking my woodchips. I want to watch the game with fans who are also interested in watching the game and having a good time. I want to discuss the game and the players and the stats while admiring good plays and groaning at bad at bats. It’s supposed to be fun. But people who have attached too much of their egos to their teams are bringing me down.

I’m used to the Cubs suck rhetoric. I’ve heard it all my life. It’s old and annoying. The material isn’t fresh and the jokes are as old as the Cubs’ last World Series win. I’m more offended by the lack of creativity than anything.

However, the Cubs suck rhetoric coming from Cubs fans is really harshing my buzz. I can understand being frustrated with your team, but the venom some of these people are spewing is really eating away at my mellow. The games aren’t enjoyable anymore because as soon as someone makes a mistake or does something they don’t think is appropriate for their salary level or gives up a run, it’s just a constant stream of hate on the Cubs hashtag on Twitter, where I do most of my interacting.

Last season the Cubs were terrible, but I enjoyed myself more. We’re only three games into the 2011 season and I’m already sick of most of the fans. They’ve just sucked the fun out of the game for me. And that aggravates me because I hate it when people piss on my barbecue, no matter what it is. My happy place has been trashed and I don’t have a new happy place to go to.

Which irritates me.

Maybe I’m not depressed after all. Maybe Hell really is other people.

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