Sometimes I come up with a post that I want to do for Monday Megalomania and I think it’ll be really good. And then after thinking on it for a while I end up changing my mind, shoving it to the back burner of “not right now”.
The reason?
It’s too heavy.
I don’t mean that in specific gravity terms. I mean it in subject terms. I mean that it’s kind of a serious business post and upon review, I think that maybe it’s not the best time for that. Or I think that maybe it’s a little TOO revealing. Sure the goal of this blog is for me to be honest about my life and my work and who I am as a person, but there’s a line I’ve drawn in the sand that sometimes I’m willing to blur and sometimes I’m willing to crossover and sometimes I fill it with cement. I want to be honest and revealing, but I only want to reveal so much. Like a burlesque dancer, people only THINK they see everything. That’s me on this blog. I give you enough to get the idea, but I don’t show you everything.
Getting back the heavy.
Maybe it’s because I’m a Capricorn and Capricorn’s are known for being very serious that I don’t want to be seen that way. I deal with much of my life with humor and I don’t want anyone to get the impression that I take things too seriously, or worse, that I take myself too seriously. I want my sense of humor (which many people feel is one of my few shining qualities) to show through.
Some blog posts are too serious for that. Or at least I think they are. I don’t think I can inject enough humor into them to make them worth reading. They’re worth talking about, some of the topics anyway, but if I can’t do it my way, then I don’t want to do it.
And so those posts are put to the side until a time comes when I think it’s okay to be a little more serious or until I think I can be light enough to balance the heavy or, in the more rare occasion, I think this bit of information is okay to share.
I feel weird about it sometimes. Like maybe I’m cheating. But since I’m the one that made the rules in the first place, and since I’m free to change the rules any time I want, then I guess it’s really impossible for me to cheat.
That’s right. This blog is one big game of Calvinball.
My new sooper sekrit project is non-fiction. I’ve read a lot of non-fiction but unless you count blog posts, I haven’t written much of it.
Non-fiction is kind of intimidating to someone who spends most of their time making shit up. Sure I have to have my facts that I do use straight, but that’s just in the background to make the lies more real. Non-fiction leaves no bullshit room. It’s all gotta be accurate.
There’s also the worry of being boring. There’s no witty characters to hide behind. It’s all on me, baby. I’m somewhat entertaining on Twitter and in blog posts, but the idea of maintaining that for an entire book-length work seems scary.
It IS scary.
I’m terrified of being boring, mostly because I know how boring I can be. There are whole stretches of my life that are broad strokes of blah beige. I don’t want any book I write, fiction or non-fiction, to be boring. It’s just easier, to me anyway, not to be boring writing fiction.
To combat my fears and insecurities, I’m tackling this project bit by bit, no pressure. I’ve got an outline and now I’m writing out the basics. No pressure. No worries about the need to be correct or entertaining. It’s all about getting it down on paper and seeing what I’ve got.
I like to visit places, but I don’t like the traveling it takes to get there.
This past weekend, I took the train to Chicago and then hopped a cab to the hotel for Cubs Con. Now, driving to Chicago, I don’t mind. Last year I drove and stayed in the hotel and all was groovy. Not knowing where I’m going sometimes gets me riled, but most of the time, I breeze right through it. But taking the train and taking a cab, that makes it more of a trip. Control has been wrenched from me. I now have no control over when I make it to town. I have to rely on someone I don’t know to drive me to the hotel and then pay them for it. It raises my level of anxiety.
Airplanes are no better. I’m impatient. When I get on and sit down, everyone else needs to sit the hell down, and the show needs to get on the road. Or in the air, as the case may be. Same when we land. Get your shit and get off the plane. It shouldn’t take you twenty minutes to get together your shit. It didn’t take that long to stow it, dammit. And God help the world if I ever get on one of those planes that get stuck on a tarmac for more than twenty minutes. There will be blood.
Once I’m in the air or on the train, I’m good. I plug in my music (or in the case of flying, I prefer cartoons), read or write, and mostly relax.
Once the plane lands or the train pulls in, the anxiety comes back and doesn’t abate until I get to the hotel. Once I’m at the hotel and get through the whole checking in process and get to the room, I’m good to go again. And while I’m there doing whatever I came to do, I have a great time.
The anxiety starts all over again when it comes time to go home, starting with the checking out process.
I admit it. I’m kind of a bratty traveler. I’m not bratty to the other travelers (usually), but I feel kind of sorry for anyone traveling with me. It’s kind of like entertaining and reassuring a two-year old (hence the need for cartoons while flying). My tantrums are quiet ones and I can be quite short with people and I might murder the other passengers in my mind many times over, but for the most part, I’m kind of a whiny handful.
Traveling on my own, there’s nobody to wrangle me, so I’m on my own to behave myself.
By the time you read this, my trip will be over. But I’m typing it up the Thursday before. So you won’t know if I survived (or got arrested) until tomorrow’s post, I suppose, because I should be writing it today.
If you don’t hear from me by tomorrow, start getting together the bail money.
Last year I gave myself the goal of getting 50 rejections and ended up falling miserably short. However, I did learn quite a bit when it comes to goal setting my writing like that. First of all, I need to be more realistic. Second of all, not every goal is going to work for me.
The idea of getting 50 rejections seemed like a good one at the time because it would motivate me to submit more of my short stories. The problem with this approach is that I really don’t have the short story inventory to generate that many rejections, particularly when the rejection process is on a completely different time table. I have no control over when I get the rejections. They can take days or months. Combine that with a limited inventory and I found out that I tore my ACL before I even made it out onto the track.
However, had I not given it a go, I wouldn’t have learned that. I’m a sucker for learning things the hard way.
This year, I’m going to take a different approach to my writing goals.
My biggest goal is going to be revising The World (Saving) Series to a point of doneness. Not THE point of doneness, but A point of doneness. That means that I want to get the novel to a point that I’m done messing with the story and the structure and all I’m worried about is consistency, word choice, and descriptions. I want to be satisfied with the big picture of the story, so to speak. Giving myself until the end of the year seems reasonable, I think.
I’ve got seven short stories waiting on my ready list. I want to submit them all at least once. I’ve got three stories still out from last year. If they all get rejected, then I want to submit them all at least once, too. Any new short stories I write, I want to send those out at least once as well. Not exactly a lofty goal, for sure, but sometimes I feel very divided with my writing. This is a way to motivate some progress without being too hard on myself and getting discouraged. It also encourages me to give all of my stories a chance on the market instead of holding them back, afraid to let them be seen by the world.
I haven’t abandoned my idea to edit Night of the Nothing Man into a novella and self-publish it. That will get done sometime this year.
My current sooper-sekrit project is under way. Even though I don’t want to talk about it, I’m working on it. And even if I don’t like the way it’s going or think it’s a flop, I’m still going to finish it. I need to develop a little faith in myself when it comes to working on non-fiction projects (that’s the only hint you’re going to get!).
I think these goals are good enough to keep me busy for the year. We’ll see how it shakes out.
If you’re taking bets on if I’ll be scrambling to submit stories in December, it’s probably a pretty safe bet to take. I know me.
We’ve discussed before all of the bad words I am, but I think I should just come clean and admit that I’m pretty much kind of a bad person. You just don’t know it because I don’t come right out and act like it. I want to, but I don’t.
The huge benefit about conducting so much social interaction via the Internet is the backspace button, so I’m able to phrase things in a socially acceptable, just so way. You also can’t see my face so you have no idea how many times during the day I roll my eyes. Because I do. A lot. To the point that without an occasional application of WD-40, stuff starts grinding up in there.
For example, I don’t think anyone’s kids are that damn cute. Hey, there, parents. You’re supposed to love your kids and think they’re the greatest thing on the planet. That’s kind of part of your job description. But they’re not my kids, so don’t expect any return in kind. Even if I like your kids and agree that they are pretty cool, I will begin rolling my eyes at kid-bragging overload. Some bragging is justified. I know that and I’m cool with it. But there’s a line that parents can so easily cross on any given day and I want to respond to their 15th Instagram showcasing how absolutely adorable their offspring is by saying, “Dude. I get it. Your kid is the best thing ever. Now slow that roll and post a picture of your lunch. I’d like a change of subject now.”
Here’s another good example: people getting sick. People do get sick. It’s winter. That’s what happens. And I’m not picking on all sick people, mind you, just the ones that post about how they’re sick and they NEVER get sick.
Except for the last several times they’ve complained that they’re sick.
This also goes for the people who say they never go to the doctor except for the documented evidence that they’ve been to the doctor more in the last six months than I’ve been in the last decade.
It’s no big deal in the grand scheme, but this shit annoys me. It’s humble bragging/sympathy gaining garbage and it’s pretty damn tiresome and I roll my eyes every time. Sorry, kids, I can’t help it. I’m not much in the way of sympathetic to begin with. Trying to milk that bone like that ain’t going to get you marrow. I’m just saying.
I’ve probably rolled my eyes at every person I know. You put it on Twitter and/or Facebook and I read it, it’s probably happened. Your thoughts on child-rearing, gun rights, drug use, the president, the Baseball Hall of Fame, your favorite TV show, Nickelback, gay marriage, taxes, hunting, the NHL, unions, Channing Tatum, teachers, rich people, the Superbowl, Nicki Minaj, the police, smoking, naps…anything and everything, has probably elicited an eye roll from me at some point.
I’m an equal opportunity asshole. I think bad things about everyone at some point.
Here’s the thing. I fully expect the behavior to be reciprocated. If I run off at the mouth, on the Internet or in real life, then I expect to cause some eyes to roll. It’s only fair. And I’m sure I deserve it, too. I’m not immune to sounding like a complete idiot or a total jackass.
I know I’m not the only one out there that’s a pretty much kind of bad person.
When Me-TV announced its fall line-up and announced they’d be showing Emergency! I was excited. A 70’s show that I had vague knowledge of, but had never seen! Yes!
Exclamation points!
Emergency focused on two paramedic fire fighters, John Gage (Randolph Mantooth) and Roy DeSoto (Kevin Tighe), in the fledgling paramedic program and the doctors and head nurse in the emergency department at Rampart General Hospital, Dr. Kelly “Kel” Brackett (Robert Fuller), Dr. Joe Early (Bobby Fuller), and Nurse Dixie McCall (Julie London). Gage and DeSoto were usually joined by their fellow firefighters at Station 51: Captain Henry “Hank” Stanley (Mike Norell), Chet Kelly (Tim Donnelly), Marco Lopez (Marco Lopez), and Mike Stoker (Mike Stoker). Many times they were joined at the scene by Officer Vince (Vince Howard). The emergency room staff were also aided by the capable, but sometimes harsh Dr. Joe Morton (Ron Pinkard).
Our heroes!
The show was a real ensemble and the episodes did a good job with that concept, following pretty much the same formula. The opening established the story line for the show and was usually followed pretty quickly by the firefighters responding to their first call of the show. From there, between calls and patients at the hospitals (some more comical than others), the story line was worked out until a resolution at the end, usually following a big rescue of some kind. Some episodes focused more on the paramedics/firefighters and some focused more on the emergency room staff, but the overall show maintained a pretty good balance of both.
Being the 70’s, there was no shortage of familiar faces popping up on the show, including Adam West, Jo Anne Worley, Ruth Buzzi, Dick Van Patten, Grant Goodeve, Mark Harmon (as an animal control officer in a possible pilot), Jamie Farr, Robert Alda, Marion Ross, Sharon Gless, Tony Dow (Wally turned to crime in this ep), Larry Manetti, Joyce Jameson, Dabbs Greer, Melissa Gilbert, Nick Nolte, Ron Masak, John Travolta, Yvonne Craig (Batgirl, to you), Linda Gray, Linda Dano, and Jack DeLeon (Marty Morrison from Barney Miller).
Look, ma! Firefighters!
One really cool thing about the show was the use of real firefighters in the cast. In the first season real LACoFD Captain Dick Hammer (as himself) headed Engine 51 (he was followed by John Smith as Captain Hammer before Mike Newell took over as Captain Stanley). LACoFD Mike Stoker was with the show for its run. And the oft-heard, rarely-seen dispatcher was LACoFD dispatcher Sam Lanier.
The inclusion of the real firefighters in the show lent to the realism of the whole shebang. I realize there are mistakes in the rescue, response, and ER scenes. But as someone who is not an authority on 1970’s paramedic/firefighter/doctor/nurse procedures, those scenes look legit (except for the lack of blood in some scenes; they are a bit clean on this show). I find some of the big rescues at the end of the episodes pretty spectacular to watch because they feel real. I don’t feel like I’m looking at multiple takes of something. I’m watching two paramedics jumping into the ocean to get a guy out of a sinking helicopter. I’m watching two doctors examine a guy with internal injuries. There’s nothing forced or staged-feeling about it (usually).
And if you’re viewing this like a bit of film from a time capsule (as I like to do with my reruns), it’s wild to basically watch the infancy of the paramedic program that we’ve all grown very used to today. It’s also pretty wicked to see the ginormous walkie talkies the firemen use and the box of phone (bio-phone) that the paramedics use to call Rampart Hospital.
When I first started watching the show, I admit that I found John Gage to be a little annoying and I had doubts that I was going to be able to put up with him. But after a few episodes, he grew on me and the interaction between him and Roy DeSoto is wonderful. There’s a great chemistry there. Also, Chet Kelly has one of the greatest mustaches ever to grace a fire department and he holds a special place in my heart now. Watching Nurse McCall keep Dr. Brackett and Dr. Early in line is great fun.
If you’re looking to be hips deep in personal drama like on Grey’s Anatomy or ER, look elsewhere. The characters do have their stories, but nothing soap opera-ish. Which I appreciate. There seem to be streaks of characters getting injured. Obviously, that’s part of the risk of being a firefighter, but I swear Gage got hurt three times in one week during the big rescue at the end. Of course, anyone injured is usually back the next episode feeling fine.
Some of the most believable calls/rescues/patients are the most ridiculous ones. The family that thinks their mother is dead but she’s only napping, the guy who thinks he’s been cursed, the guy who accidentally glues his hands to a model ship, but doesn’t want the ship destroyed to unglue his hands, the girl that gets her head stuck in a chair (okay, that wasn’t on the show; I really did that when I was a kid). You have no idea how many calls first responders get that are really like this. The truth is stranger than fiction and this show definitely captures that with some of the absurd incidents. But, like I said, the way those scenes are done, you go right along with it.
It’s the big, dramatic incidents that I sometimes have trouble with. I’ll read the episode summaries and be like, “A plane crashes into an apartment building? Come on!” And then I’ll watch the episode and be like, “A plane crashed into an apartment building! Help! Help!” It’s all in the delivery, I suppose.
I could be easily impressed, too. Always a possibility.
Either way, this show became a quick favorite and I hope it sticks around on my TV for a long time. I need the opportunity to watch these episodes a few times.
I need to come up with some tangible reading goals for 2013. So let’s do a quick review of what my 2012 goals were and what I actually did.
My goal was to read 12 books, 6 fiction (at least one from a genre I didn’t normally read), 6 non-fiction (at least one memoir and only one could be a re-read). In reality, I read 20 books, 6 fictions, 6 non-fiction, and at least one of the fiction books was from a different genre. I kind of blew the rest of the goals.
So here’s my idea for 2013:
-Read 24 books. That’s just four more than I did read and it averages out to two a month. That should be more than doable for me.
-At least 10 need to be non-fiction. I failed to read my required number of non-fiction books last year (strange since I usually prefer non-fiction to fiction). I need to do a better job of balancing my intake. It’s not quite half, but it’s close enough.
-Only ONE non-fiction re-read counts towards my total. I re-read non-fiction a lot so I have to watch it. I need to look for new stuff.
-At least one of my non-fiction reads needs to be a memoir. This was one of the goals I failed last year.
-Only one of my fiction re-reads counts towards my goal. I don’t usually re-read fiction, but I’ve been hankering to read a couple of Stephen King books again.
-I will continue exploring other fiction genres. That means I need to limit the number of horror books I read. I say no more than eight.
-Read more of books by people I know. I need to be more active in supporting the authors that I interact with on Twitter. Reading more of their books would be a good idea.
I think these goals will be a great way to keep me productively reading this year.
Let’s hope I do better at meeting (exceeding?) them than last year.
It’s time to make my resolutions for 2013. Some I will ignore. Some I will keep. Some I will forget until I look at the list at the end of the year and am surprised that I made and kept them.
So here are five resolutions for 2013:
1. Don’t get dead.
2. Have a good time.
(My two go-to’s that I have usually have no trouble keeping.)
3. Choreograph an entire belly dance routine to a song. I tend to start doing it and then get bored and quit. I really need to get some follow-through here.
4. Sleep more. I feel that only good can come from keeping this resolution.
5. Sing louder while making dinner. I prefer the kitchen to myself while I cook. Maybe louder renditions of “I Touch Myself” will persuade the people in my house to vacate the room while I cook.
Towards the end of December I got a real bee in my bonnet about ripping apart and revising The World (Saving) Series. I put it off because with the holidays and all, I didn’t want to get into it. And there were a few short story things I wanted to wrap up.
Hopefully, the bee hasn’t settled down and I can get some major work done on World. I’ve really got to be more consistent and dedicated to revising a novel to completion. This is my shot at doing that and I’m going to take it. I want to see how far I can get this month.
I’m also kicking around an idea for another project. I don’t want to say too much about it because I know how I am. I think something is a good idea, I talk about it, I start doing it, the idea dies, and nothing comes of any of the talking that I did. Talking about an idea that doesn’t have some actual substance to it in the sense that I am either done working on it or nearly done working on it is a jinx for me. Total jinx.
But there is a project idea I’m kicking around, so if it comes to being anything, we can all refer back to this post as the one in which it was first mentioned.
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