Sometimes I come up with a post that I want to do for Monday Megalomania and I think it’ll be really good. And then after thinking on it for a while I end up changing my mind, shoving it to the back burner of “not right now”.
It’s too heavy.
I don’t mean that in specific gravity terms. I mean it in subject terms. I mean that it’s kind of a serious business post and upon review, I think that maybe it’s not the best time for that. Or I think that maybe it’s a little TOO revealing. Sure the goal of this blog is for me to be honest about my life and my work and who I am as a person, but there’s a line I’ve drawn in the sand that sometimes I’m willing to blur and sometimes I’m willing to crossover and sometimes I fill it with cement. I want to be honest and revealing, but I only want to reveal so much. Like a burlesque dancer, people only THINK they see everything. That’s me on this blog. I give you enough to get the idea, but I don’t show you everything.
Getting back the heavy.
Maybe it’s because I’m a Capricorn and Capricorn’s are known for being very serious that I don’t want to be seen that way. I deal with much of my life with humor and I don’t want anyone to get the impression that I take things too seriously, or worse, that I take myself too seriously. I want my sense of humor (which many people feel is one of my few shining qualities) to show through.
Some blog posts are too serious for that. Or at least I think they are. I don’t think I can inject enough humor into them to make them worth reading. They’re worth talking about, some of the topics anyway, but if I can’t do it my way, then I don’t want to do it.
And so those posts are put to the side until a time comes when I think it’s okay to be a little more serious or until I think I can be light enough to balance the heavy or, in the more rare occasion, I think this bit of information is okay to share.
I feel weird about it sometimes. Like maybe I’m cheating. But since I’m the one that made the rules in the first place, and since I’m free to change the rules any time I want, then I guess it’s really impossible for me to cheat.
That’s right. This blog is one big game of Calvinball.
And I think I score more points going light.