I’ll allow you all a minute to process what that means to you before I get into what it ACTUALLY means.
Being bisexual means that I am sexually and romantically attracted to men and women. I was once challenged in high school that I couldn’t be bisexual because I’d never slept with a woman. If that were how it works, then I couldn’t have been a heterosexual at the time because I’d never had sex with a man at that point either. But that’s not how it works.
Being bisexual brings up some interesting stereotypes.
One is that I don’t exist. People who claim to be bisexual are just confused. In a society so obsessed with labels and the concept of either/or, all or nothing, bisexuality is a mind-boggle. I have to be attracted to either men or women. I can’t be attracted to both. And in this world, adherence to convention would be preferred. But if I were a lesbian that would be okay because at least then I would make a COMMITMENT to a choice. For some reason the idea that I could be attracted to both sexes is considered impossible.
Speaking of commitment, therein lies another stereotype. That because I’m bisexual (if you believe in that sort of thing), I can’t be in a committed relationship. I am somehow unsatisfied if I were to pick one partner because I’d always be yearning for the opposite. The problem with this idea is that it has nothing to do with sexuality and everything to do with monogamy. I know some perfectly straight people and some perfectly gay people who couldn’t be in a committed relationship if you tied them to someone. I’ve personally gotten to the age and experience that commitment to ONE person is my ideal.
You may be wondering why I’ve never brought up my sexuality before. I’ve talked about my dealings with men before, but not women.
Well, first of all, it’s none of your damn business and I’ll mete out information about myself as I see fit. Second of all, my dealings with women have been fewer, but no less confusing, awkward, and difficult than my go-rounds with men. While I’m more trusting of a woman flirting with me than I am a man (in other words, if I realize they’re hitting on me, I don’t automatically chalk it up to them looking for an easy score, they’re joking, or it’s because I’m the only single girl in the room), I’m as clueless as a man when dealing with them in relationships. I’ve also been witness to a few sour women break-ups. That alone has been enough to make me tread extra carefully.
Lastly, I’m not exactly in the closet, but I’m not sure everyone knows. In fact, when I did let my parents in on the fact that I was bisexual, they were actually both shocked that I wasn’t a lesbian. So there ya go. But still, there are certain friends and family members that might not be too thrilled with my sexuality.
Which raises another fun point.
If I date a man, I’m okay. If I date a woman, I’m a lesser human being. Isn’t that strange? Nothing else about me changes. Not my personality, not my weight, not my eye color, not my job. Just my relationship. And that one little thing determines if I can go about life peacefully or if I get people coming up to me in the mall to tell me I’m an abomination (it’s happened!).
Think about that, kids. How would you like the value of your existence, whether or not you’re entitled to the same benefits as everyone else, whether or not your family LOVES you, whether or not your friends will associate with you dependent upon who you’re fucking? Nothing else about you changes. Everything about you is the same. But making that one relationship choice, dating that one person, changes everything about how people feel about your and treat you. Just that one little thing.
Amazingly fucked up, isn’t it? Not very fair, huh?
Welcome to my world.
2 thoughts on “Bi Bi, Baby, Bi Bi”
I find it funny that this subject just happened to come up in your blog the day after I spent time talking with a friend about her bisexuality. Her feeling was that she was attracted to both men and women, but that she preferred having relationships with women.
The beauty of sexuality — all sexuality — is that it differs from person to person and it comes in different flavors, sizes, and styles. We are all attracted to different subsets of the human population at different levels. That goes beyond gender: old, young, blonde, redhead, brunette, fat, skinny, black, white…. whatever. Everyone is into something moreso than everyone else. It’s what makes sex interesting and fulfilling.
The problem is that society likes to label everyone with broad brush strokes. You’re either gay or straight. There’s very little gray area, and if you try to fit into that area, you’re ‘weird’. People don’t like when you complicate things by saying, “well I generally like women but if the guy is really smart and he weighs less than 200 lbs and has tattoos I’d hit it,” because it causes them to actually give thought to what label you.
I think it’s silly. If you feel better standing under a label or description, then go for it. People need to not name things and just do what makes them happy. And if someone has a problem with it or questions it, who cares? They’re not in your skin.
I personally like hearing about this from people. Not because I like hearing about sex lives (but then again, who doesn’t?) but because it gives me an insight into a part of people’s personalities and I feel like I have a better understand of people that way.
That’s the way I’ve always looked at my bisexuality; it’s just a name given to describe who I’m attracted to. They’ve got a label to describe me being attracted to both men and women. They haven’t gotten around to creating a label to describe my attraction to guys with dark hair and brown eyes or women with curves and full lips. It is what it is.
Obviously, I don’t expect that from anyone else in regards to how they interpret it for me or themselves. Whatever makes people comfortable. Just don’t get too carried away with the shit you attach to those labels is all I’m saying.