Dear Twitter Followers…

TwitterSometimes when I gain new followers on Twitter that end up being real people, I feel like I should warn them about myself. This usually comes about because it’s obvious that they’re only following me because of one aspect of my Twitter and I’m not sure they’re aware of the other bits of nothing I spew there. I know that some of them must have had the smarts to read through my timeline to get an idea of what my Twitter business is about, but sometimes I wonder.

So, here are the important things I feel someone should know if they’re following me on Twitter:

-Mute the Cubs hashtag if you’re not a Cubs/baseball fan. I cannot stress this enough and I actually remind people to do this periodically. I am ANNOYING during baseball season. I live tweet the games and usually make terrible jokes and often try to find the silver lining in every loss. Obviously, this dies down during the off season, but things will still happen like trades and Cubs Con, so it’s best to be prepared.

-I sometimes tweet about TV shows currently in production. I try to be mindful of the spoilers. If I’m going to be tweeting a lot about a show, I’ll be sure to use the hashtag so you can mute it. Otherwise, enjoy my random, sporadic commentary.

-I’m more likely live tweet reruns, though (which shouldn’t be too surprising if you read my Twitter bio because it says right there that I’m a Rerun Junkie, among other things). Right now it’s mostly Fantasy Island and Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea since Addam’s Family hasn’t been on, but I’ve done it for Dragnet, Adam-12, Emergency!, The Golden Girls, The Rifleman, Gunsmoke, Big Valley, Perry Mason, and Ironside, among others. Just know that it can and probably will happen at some point and I don’t always use convenient hashtags to mute.

-I will favorite anything and everything. I favorite what I like, what amuses me, what I want to be able to find again later. I don’t abide by any established favoriting rules. I’m a rebel, baby.

-I’m not funny all the time. I try to be at least somewhat amusing because I’m not much of anything else (informative or political or current event-ish). So if you’re following me because of one tweet you found really funny, hold on to that tweet. Because there’s a good chance I’ll never be that funny to you again.

-I tweet about my life. Usually just the non-boring bits, but also the boring bits. I tweet when I’m going to a job or when I’m going to sleep because some people like to know why the hell I’m not replying to them. Call them health and welfare checks, if you will.

-Sometimes I tweet a lot. There are days when I tweet so much you might think I’m not doing anything else.

-Sometimes I don’t tweet very much. There are days I might only have one or two tweets. If I’m not feeling social or interesting, then I don’t force myself to be. That’s dumb.

-I will probably follow you back. I like interesting people and I’m not a social media snob. If I think we can relate, then I’ll follow you.

-I am finicky about who I @, though. I stop myself a lot from replying to people a lot. I consider this a courtesy because off-line I usually don’t take advantage of the pause to think if what I’m about to say isn’t as funny as I think it is. Also, I don’t reply to a lot of people’s tweets because I don’t think I’m cool enough to be tweeting at that particular person.

-I will unfollow you and not feel bad about it. Sometimes there’s no hard feelings. You’re just not my type. Sometimes it’s because you turned out to be something a lot more distasteful than I initially thought. Quick route to being unfollowed: be a bigot. Any kind of bigot. Doesn’t matter. I’m a very intolerant person. I will not tolerate your active dedication to being a piece of shit.

-And finally…I’m way cooler on Twitter than I am anywhere else on the Internet or off of it. Truth.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s